Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

it shows

it shows

the way you look at me
the way you see what i see
the way you like things i like
.
.
.
it shows
the way i like your hair
the way i stare in your eyes
after a long winter night
.
.
.
it shows
the way we alway be togeter
the way we are seen
....
could this be a dream
or
could this be real
can not tell
but it show
that we be long together


"together"

A contest entry

What did you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • xxvampyregirlxx
    December 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hmm intresting write. I like it alot! I can really see the emotion you put into this.


  • Paloszoo gold member
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sweet piece for a sweet someone. Definitely chek your grammar. With it cleaned up a bit, this is a sure winner. BRAVO!

  • ElectricBloom
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is good!
    i like it!
    you carry a strong message throughout the poem, and you have clearly put a lot of emotion into this -
    however there are a few spelling mistakes! like "stair" should "stare" i think, and together is spelt incorrectly a few times. to improve this piece i would spell check and add a bit of punctuation!
    all in all though - good job! i enjoyed reading this.

    ElectricBloom


  • lovemedeath
    December 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awww. that so sweet!! i like it!!! great job!!