Night Before Christmas

It was the night before Christmas
And I might have been drunk
Stumbling 'round the kitchen
Knocking things over and junk

But there's only so much
I can take of this cheer
The Carolers are annoying
And one thinks he's a deer

They sing about Jesus
And Santa and God
Then they sing of a Snowman
That's a little bit odd

On Dasher on Prancer
Onto the back for a shot
WHERE'S ALL THE LIQUOR!!
They must have forgot

My head starts to spin
I am loosing my buzz
My tolerance has risen
It's not what it was

Where'd it all go
I asked the man next to me
"Ever since the kid
This place has been Alcohol free"

So I've given up hope
I sit down with the kids
All their sticky fingers
All over the gifts

They're all smiling, laughing
Talking of all the good times
If I have to hear another jingle
I'll kill someone or die

A knock at the door
"Time to die" I had thought
Nope, it's old Uncle Larry
With the Jack and the Scotch

He thinks as I do
Rather not remember
So we drink ourselves stupid
This time every December