Smooth waves crashing across
The seductive dusk on the beach
Yet the beauty of the night is lost on me.
All I see is her tender, slim hand
Caressing the surface of the clear water
The slow movement which can change the world.
My obsession. Hidden from the world.
Author notes
I KNOW Ylova will beat me. 
xx
A contest entry
- Quickie.... by Merry Christmas.
460 points, ended December 12, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
This good enough for a quickie contest? :P
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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The basis of this is good. And thankfully you do know exactly what punctuation is. Just a little tip, not every line has to begin with a capital letter. Some people like it, some people don't. But sometimes it makes more sense the other way.
I like the direction that you've taken with the prompt, I just wish that you hadn't used the word of obsession in the last line, it would have enhanced the poem for me definitely if you had found an alternative for the word.
Thanks for entering and for being patient. -
this is beautiful!
such gorgeous imagery throughout, i love water imagery, it's so pretty.
i especially love the lines :
All I see is her tender, slim hand
Caressing the surface of the clear water
amazing.
best of luck in the contest!!
ElectricBloom
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I love it!
Good luck in the contest
Much love
Ylova
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Sweetie. Your ANs. Hahaha. You are funny! And no, I do not think I will beat anyone in this contest. I am having a tough time coming up with something to write But umm. Just one thing. You have to write 7 lines only. That's the rule. So umm.. You need to like cut this one short 
Let me know once you are done with doing that
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Lol Yes you will. *Nods adamantly* And I cut it short. But I lwiked it LONG! D: Lol. x
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