unhealthy.
i found malnourishment tempting -
yellow fingertips, acne,
translucent skin that
clings to bone.
instead i was chasing shadows,
hoping to be dragged into moments.
Author notes
Obsessed when you'd rather not be.
prompt -
Obsession; it's not there to control you, it's there to slip you up.
x
A contest entry
- Quickie.... by Merry Christmas.
460 points, ended December 12, 2008, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I've changed my mind. Stop writing so much, it means I miss ones! This isn't my favourite of your works, but it's a damn sight better than most people's poetry!
And it's still pretty awesome.
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yeah,
i'm not to keen on this one either.
thanks for the comment.
I'm still waiting for you to post a new poem!!!!!!!! Wednesday? ^.^ -
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I WROTE SOMETHING JUST NOW!!!!
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Those last two lines were genius. You have some great imagery here. I would try connecting the two images together more - like how the shadows relate to being unhealthy. Just so that it feels like it progresses more and that it is not just random thoughts; but ideas, together.
Loved the rotten emotion here.
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This could be about so many things, eating disorders, or generally anything that could become an obsession. Fantastic work! Congratulations on your HM
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i honestly love the way you write. lol i'm going to say that on like every poem that i comment.
'i found malnourishment tempting -'
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that line really hit me. the rest was also brilliant and beautiful.
<3
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It is quite good, and here, those images of unhealthy are symbolic of that obsession, which I really liked. For to be obsessed (so I would think) is not a healthy thing, and not one that is enjoyed, even while one still does it.
"hoping to be dragged into moments"
Again, the obsession, expressing that need, that urge...and the keyword, "dragged" for even while it's an uncontrollable urge, there must be this part, this logic that drags its feet in resistance.
Excellent.
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A very different take on the prompt and a very good take on it. The seperation of your stanzas works very well, I just wish that you might've applied yourself a little more to capital letters at the beginning of sentences but I'm not judging on grammar and punctuation, just on the quality of the words.
Thanks for entering and being patient -
I loke this really kick ass
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A very interesting take on the prompt, I must say. I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
Much love
Ylova
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An interesting take off the prompt. As is societies ways in the media forcing down our throats on a daily basis a certain image of what we should be rather than what we are as individuals. Loved the closing lines, best wishes in the contest, Ken IBT
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