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a collection of confessions



their eyes always burn holes through my blue eyes
and they try to lock me in but
the burning
so i shift my eyes
my blues
blinking
avoiding
as they always ask 'why did you'
'how could you'
and i bite my lower lip
shifting my eyes
and cracking my knuckles
because my best sentences
dont begin with the word 'because.'

and my brain
races with everything
when i sit
trying to keep still
covered in smoke stains
and burn marks
and theres so much
running through my head that i cant even
tell you one bit of it.

i close my eyes
my blue, turning gray as i think of you, eyes
and all i can see are your arms
coming from behind me to hold me
close to you
after you think im asleep
and i all i see are those arms
and the window i fall asleep facing
when those arms squeeze me tight.
but i open my eyes
my blue, now gray, eyes
and there are no arms, no window, no squeezing.

there are days
rainy, borderline snowy, days
where i look to the sky
and feel nothing but empty
and wish for the life of me
i still inhaled nicotine
and received the same calm i used to receive
but i dont
and the rain hovers
and for once, i wish it was snow
because you were always my snow flurries.

i seem so normal
so relaxed, so buzzed
as i walk into the club
and look for a boy
any boy, to buy me a drink.
and once my cup
is nothing but ice
i dance
close my eyes
and let my heart beat with the music
and for once
i am at peace.

Author notes

i dont really write anymore.
my heart continues to break
and i continue to crush
every boy that steps in front of me.

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Comments

  • SparklingOutcast
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was really beautiful.
    i really felt like it could be a little bit about me.
    "because my best sentences
    dont begin with the word 'because.'"
    i loved that line so completely.


  • bird-mad girl
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "there are days
    rainy, borderline snowy, days
    where i look to the sky
    and feel nothing but empty
    and wish for the life of me
    i still inhaled nicotine
    and received the same calm i used to receive
    but i dont
    and the rain hovers
    and for once, i wish it was snow
    because you were always my snow flurries."

    -that was beautiful. it was my favorite stanza. I could feel my heart throbbing at the beginning of this stanza.

    breaks from writing are always good. sometimes you just need to clear your head and figure things out.

    I miss you
    ♥