Stop Ignoring Me, Please?

In my moment of weakness I travel my possibilities.
I could break into the cabinets below to consume what alcohol dad has in store.
[To create a nice haze.]
I can find the blades I carefully hid to rip the skin once more.
[To make me feel more than emotional pain.]
I consider the drugs that once had my heart.
[So that for once I could feel contained.]
Consider messaging friends torn apart.
[To talk to someone just as insane.]
I think about those that would care, those who would mind.
Those who I could talk to, those who I could confide in.

In my moment of weakness tears travel down my face.
One followed by the other, my eyes quickly drying out.
I still feel the pain. The rage that burns within me, the flame just won’t burn out.
I think back on what the adults said, when they said it was just a phase.
They were somewhat right, and maybe. Just maybe. This is my call for help.

But I’m too strong to break.
I won’t find the razors, my dad’s heart would break.
I can’t get the drugs, Kyle would leave my side.
I can’t consume the alcohol, guilt would be all that consumed me.

Too weak.
And yet I’m too strong for my own good.

I honestly don’t think anyone realizes how mentally instable I get at times,
It scares me that no one worries anymore.
All that’s left is me worrying about myself.

Here’s too being alone.
*drinks her juice*