when questions are froth
answered by the blue of lips
desperately slipping
beneath disappearing tides.
quivers of acceptance remain
to frame every lost horizon
and the churning of pain
crests far too deeply within;
then achingly we whisper--
for they can not hear, silence now…
our tears unknowingly adding
to the depth of cold;
falling into unvoiced gasps
and left to shudder across
life’s brittliest bone…
In a list
A contest entry
- and I was just a painter's dream by Ryno.
400 points, ended December 15, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Death of a srts, but if you meant a literal one or a metaphorical one, that is what makes the poem intriguing.
Your excellent language is allusive enough to lend to extended meanings, like the death oh a relationship, and end of anything that turns cold.
"quivers of acceptance remain
to frame every lost horizon"
Lends toward a less literal interpretation to me, but:
"then achingly we whisper--
for they can not hear, silence now…"
hints toward the literal, well actually, toward multiple types of losses.
I think the key is the last line..we ask, "What is life's brittliest (brittlest?) bone?" It could be death itself, but I don't think so, maybe it is hope? Love? Maybe that fragility of life. I kind of like that one.
I enjoyed the poem, well written, intelligent and with feeling.
Wh am I awake at 3:30 am? lol
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A well-deserved gold trophy
My favourite line is "falling into unvoiced gasps" -
Stunning again and a well deserved gold!!!!
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Wonderful to see the Gold on this gem... PK
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Wow. For me, you really captured that feeling of loosing the ones we love. As they are pulled into that tide - away from us - we are left with sour feelings and an unmentionable pain. The imagery really hurt me - it really made me feel that emotion - and the opening and closing lines were a strong pang.
Brilliant. Thanks for the entry
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Wow! This is really well written. Imagery and flow just pulled me in or should I say "under". Great writing.
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the last stanza packs a punch
Good luck
Juls
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Strong imagery. I liked the focus of the piece and the bitter flavors it left in the readers mind. Very powerful.
Carrie
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