I am the work of dreams' despise
and the softer side of sleep, but
just to suffer is more than wise.
Tread lightly past the tide's highs
and allow the wave to take me under.
I will ever sleep in the symphony of lies.
Mind keener to the scent of lies
than ever it was in consciousness, for
just to suffer is more than wise.
For the memories of my echoes' sighs
I hear the ultimate calling;
I will ever sleep in the symphony of lies.
And against these earthly ties
I will struggle never in vain, for
just to suffer is more than wise;
I will ever sleep in the symphony of lies.
Author notes
My first Vilanelle!! I don't know how to title it though...
Zeprina-Jaz 
A contest entry
- .give me something amazing. by landmark.
1650 points, ended January 7, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Masterpieces Sketches (( For Poems That Have Not Won Medals )) by HereComesTheSun.
700 points, ended January 27, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Villanelles, any subject by ecrivain01.
550 points, ended February 3, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Suggestions for a good title would be good!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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"My first Vilanelle!"
Good for you! Very dreamy and drifting poetry! Lilting and yet somber and solemn as the night!
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Not bad, but the language is ...
mundane, and "despise" is a verb, and can't be used as a noun. -
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Mundane...
It was meant to be about night
So I tried to take movement out of it. It was meant to represent stillness!! But fair enough if you don't like it. Thanks for taking the time to reply anyway
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can't, or shouldn't?
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Well, I suppose there could be a possibility ...
if you said, "Despise is a verb." You'd then be using it as a noun. However, you'd have to do some reaching. -
;)
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If I would have thought as a seventh grader that someday I would be almost 50 having a discussion about nouns and verbs... I would have taken a swan dive off the monkey bars and killed myself. Wow, from monkey bars to monkey bard in just a half a century!
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Well, I needed ...
a good laugh, so thank you much.
The truth is, it's a good thing we can't forsee the future. A lot more of us would probably have taken that same swan dive. -
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You're welcome, friend! Thank you for the good discuss!
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You are such a card.
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Just to add another voice...
Hello. Thanks for commenting on my poem and I'm glad it sparked such a discussion! But I do agree with EarthToJim - this is poetry, and I believe that it's a lot more liberal than other forms of literature. It's like with all arts - as soon as you know the rules, you can break them. But thank you both for your opinions and sorry I wasn't here to join in with the discussion!! -
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Well, I agree ...
that there is such a thing as poetic license. However, despite that, your English teachers were highly remiss in explaining the difference between nouns and verbs to you. Some rules cannot be broken.
Good luck with your writing in the future in any case.
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a great piece with alot of great wording and imagery
wonderful -
Very good
I especially like this style of poems, villanelles I mean. This is exceptionally good writing, very emotive. I like the 'Mind keener to the lies' part.
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