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what we had, is just that

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hear you whisper

your own written words,

whilst vision blurs

to stain memories

and cries comfort a swelling soul

 

and the whole of me trembles,

as I remember September

and our parting of ways

 

and how dismay

destroyed such simple dreams.

 

I recall reality hindering heart,

as truths pulverised

iridescent ideals...

 

and those perpendicular pains

etching precepts

in essence's idiosyncrasy.

 

Sadness sought no manifestation

while malleable means

failed to function,

and love's bonds broke

while balance choked--

 

like Jerico's walls

crumbling amidst core's calamity.

 

Simple steps

seem like strides now

and mountains loom too tall,

and glimmers of grief

glare at me with greed;

yet needs still niggle

in quietude's clutch

 

as such agony meanders

between breath and beat.

 

I stand defeated,

reading responses only at my request

and I realise

that our best has already been...

 

fate sealed separate tomorrows

 

and as you wave goodbye

with words,

silence swallows the sorrows

that will reside inside me

 

for infinity.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • Lukey
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Once again, you've said so much with your poetry. Your use of consonance serves you well. Such a deep, heartfelt message, which you deliver with an intense inner passion and insight. Merry Christmas, and God bless.

  • xSuicidexDreamx
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow I feel like I can relate to you after reading this. It's awesome. I love it. =D


  • RT KatPat
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    Sometimes its just best to move on...
    A heartbreaking poem but a true reflection of life as it is.


  • Zeprina-Jaz
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Aw I really feel the pain and sadness in these words. I particularly liked the line: 'and cries comfort a swelling soul'. It's the only thing you can do, sometimes, to start to think about easing the pain. Beautifull constructed; the structure really words. Congrats.


  • lilblueeyesmine1978
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was well written with great imagery and intelligence conveyed. This is sweet and resonates in the readers mind. Thanks for sharing and I hope to read more from you soon.


  • HopeInForever
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ""silence swallows the sorrows

    that will reside inside me



    for infinity.""

    this is the perfect ending. so sorrowful, so filled with emotions.

    and i love your use of alliteration! =)


  • Patience15
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!

    fate sealed separate tomorrows

    and as you wave goodbye
    with words,
    silence swallows the sorrows
    that will reside inside me

    for infinity.


    For some reason these last few words cut into me deeply. They were just so full of emotion and sorrow... it was perfect. The poem is well written and with a lot of heart into it which is just how a poem should be. Beautiful work indeed. Keep that ink flowing.


  • FaerieNWonderland
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    awwwwwwwwwwwwww

    this is utterly amazing!
    it is so powerful, i love the way you wrote this, the flow is fantastic,
    this is such a beautiful piece, ,thanks so much for sharing this.

    your Faerie


  • thegirlsafaultline.
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Simple steps
    seem like strides now
    and mountains loom too tall,
    and glimmers of grief
    glare at me with greed;
    yet needs still niggle
    in quietude's clutch"
    I love those lines(:
    Great write.
    Very powerful.


  • Hetha gold member
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I see a resigned acceptance in what has been. The painful reality, the heartbreak, the loss of something that might have been. So well written, beautiful and terribly sad as it is. You are still a remarkable person beneath the poet. Good luck in the contest, hun.

    Your Sister Always,
    Hetha

  • Francis Vincent
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    really good

    i'm sorry, laura
    my previous comment was a bit personalized
    i al;ways enjoy your work
    and
    this one is great
    it says so much
    but
    it's like a universal theme
    sort of a unlove letter
    sorrow, pain, heartbreak, loss, silent cry, an endless why?
    but
    you keep going
    walking with destiny
    it's a tribute
    "Simple steps
    seem like strides now
    and mountains loom too tall"
    the connotation is you don't stop walking, you put more effort into it
    you don't turn back from the mountain
    you know someday, you will climb it, not now
    it's a beautiful work
    again i apologize for the quirky previous comment
    i am a laura lamarca fan


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such a sad write and so very deep and personal. IO felt the emotion in this, one still of pain and trying to accept reality.
    Beautifully and bittersweetly penned as you do hun.
    All the best with this.
    Gaylene


  • jules5987
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    'that our best has already been...' wow, that line really got to me. Very simple, but I can definitely relate. I had to stop reading and reread the line. Good sequence of verse.


  • go away.
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is quite long, nevertheless beautiful I really enjoyed reading this. Your metaphor and vocabulary is fabulous. Thanks for sharing this great write with us.
    From Chaos x


  • Yunalonei
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Good

    There isn't much i can say about this piece, i am not a big fan of metaphorical poems because i usually can't understand a word they're saying.

    This was a good piece though
    Blessed Be
    xoxoxoxoxox

  • LadyNYC
    December 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow real deep!

  • Francis Vincent
    December 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    better read on the first, if you will

  • Francis Vincent
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ".....and how dismay
    ....destroyed such simple dreams"
    my sister has been patronizing me with e-mails
    my brother pulled a switcheroo behind my back
    etc, etc
    now i know why
    they are so dismayed with me they found it neccessary to benefit financially on my back
    oppps, got to go see the chiropractor tomorrow


  • sgking123
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    excellent

    Simple steps

    seem like strides now

    and mountains loom too tall,

    and glimmers of grief

    glare at me with greed;

    yet needs still niggle

    in quietude's clutch



    as such agony meanders

    between breath and beat

    such a deep concept......you did a woderful job with this poem.I loved the above deep words.Thanks for sharing.visit my page and check my latest published poetry colelction.


  • gatheren
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    for i have not yet begun to read apon your face
    the discored in which is your words of sorrow and wao giving life of ones words and filing the disconferted parting of ones souls content.
    it strikes me as odd and very moving ..
    and for this i will always be here
    wanting
    breathing
    waiting for the day of the next time you speak
    great job.


  • motel silver member
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    this write really portrays well the beauty of, the expectations in the beginning, and the eventual decline in most relationships because of day to day reality.
    thanks and good luck in the contest.


  • From The Heart
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very well written and with so much feeling in each word. Lets you feel the pain and conveys your thoughts in a way that we can relate to exactly how you feel.
    good write keep it up.


  • Nom de Plume
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply


  • landmark
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very nice. definitely going in the finalists... thank you for entering!

  • SoulWhispher
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The contest asked for somthing amazing and you most certainly delivered, this was torn from the heart and flows with hidden pain, yet it causes the reader to think, and then feel the pain, you have done an oustanding job with this poem, I am most impressed, blessings with love John

  • bbaumgartner65
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Awsome

    I really like this poem, very well written,

1 - 26 of 26