The grey-haired doctor
dutifully adopted an affected,
tailored tone of melancholy,
as if my darkness
had somehow
slithered snake-like
into his morning coffee,
now gone steel cold.
In a dim corner vaguely visible
a fly struggled vainly, enmeshed,
unwilling to concede a defeat
that valiance could not defer.
Trudging through the slush
once so pure and fresh,
I glanced back to see my footprint
fading into watery nonentity.
I gazed at the window drizzle
skiing down in zig zag paths,
glass tears that slid into
silent, submissive oblivion.
The roses in my cracked vase
were limp and blanched;
momentarily I thought of God
but dismissed that capitulation:
I would take this journey alone.
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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gosh
that was very potent, full of meassage.
I hope you are well.
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Oh my goodness this is the most emotive thing i have read in ages, it is immensly clever, worded to perfection
bravo
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This was truly such a deep write.. There was so much heart in every word written. It was so strong and touching. Thank you so much for sharing.
Angel
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This is poetry stripped to essentials - stark and harsh, but somehow strengthening. Well done.
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There in this piece you so very well created the "Dark" mood.. which I really liked about the poem. An over all beautiful write with superb wording... I loved it. Keep writing
Peace,
Lonely
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Such a touching melancholy write. It has a wonderful ebb and flow.
Bravo Poet!
Mariana*rose*
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A new write?? GASP
Well, well, stranger. Lovely to see you in these parts again,.
Quite a piece you've created here.. Heavy with shadows and mystery, a weary scoff to the thought of a stroll with The Almighty. Beautifully penned, brilliant images:
'In a dim corner vaguely visible
a fly struggled vainly, enmeshed,
unwilling to concede a defeat
that valiance could not defer.'
And:
'I glanced back to see my footprint
fading into watery nonentity.'
Brutal. Poignant, and leaves the reader with a sense of hopelessness that cannot be fully explained.. I hope to see more from you, Mr. camus. You've denied me of poetic gratification for too long lol. Much love as always.
Your fellow shadow,
~S.
xxxx
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this was so very sad
good but sad...
we want to shelter those that love us- well more protect them but to take the journey alone only hurts those more....
i know i didnt tell my mother about having cancer a few years ago.... she found out after going through my mail- innocently enough.... and the betrayal in her eyes was more than i could bear... i promised to always tell her if i relapsed
eh.. just where i went
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so deep
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deep profound thoughts...
but the terminal end never comes...its a phase which comes and goes...
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What a lovely poem. I always watch my footprints disappear in the slush. I won't get to enjoy that until spring...for now they're stuck haha.
Anyhoo...I always love the poems you write where you just sort of describe images. However, I hope this poem doesn't symbolize any latest developments. It better be just images and fantasy. Don't make me come over there haha
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So Profound
This is the first poem I have read on this site and I have to comment as it is so deep and multi-layered. It was the title that caught my eye. I hope all is well. Be strong.
Dan. -
Good
This is a good piece and obviously one close to your heart so to speak.
The way you have used metaphor throughout the piece is wonderful however i do think that this may make the piece less accessible to everyone.
Blessed Be
xoxoxox -
Wow! What a great write. This piece is really so very lovely and has a nice flow to it. It is so very philosophical. The piece made me think the entire time I was reading it. Best of luck in your future writing.
Caity
>Wakawaka<
. Rewarded 4
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really good job
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I gazed at the window drizzle
skiing down in zig zag paths,
some reaching their terminal
while others seemed to dissipate
into silent yet sought-for oblivion.
The roses in my cracked vase
were limp and blanched;
momentarily only I thought of God
but dismissed that capitulation:
I would take this journey alone.
wow a terrific poem.You ended well and philosophically.Thanks for sharing.Please visit my page and check my poetry colelction just published. -
very good
good job
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very well done
I gazed at the window drizzle
skiing down in zig zag paths,
some reaching their terminal
while others seemed to dissipate
into silent yet sought-for oblivion.
wonderful write, tough subject
. Rewarded 4
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very interesting write, will have to re-read this one to even get a glimps of what Im actually reading I think, I will also need the dictionary as dont know a few words you have used. in my opion we never really take our journeys alone we just feel we do......... thaks for sharing this write!
. Rewarded 6
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Very good! Loved these words:
as if my darkness
had somehow
slithered snake-like
into his morning coffee,
now gone steel cold.
Pam
. Rewarded 4
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This is great! I'm facing a biopsy with many sweeping feelings. I so relate to this poem. Your imagery and metaphors are awesome. I like the part about the cup of
coffee. It's so real. Bravo! Shancy.
. Rewarded 4
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it kept my attention till the very end. i love it. a very strong write.
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there is real strength in this write not capitulation. the tone is one of starkness but also a resilient tone for really, ... all of us take this journey alone.
thanks for this write. this is not a cause of despair but of celebration for our pure, raw existence.
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I enjoyed the diminishing life force of this write...each stanza draws the reader a bit deeper into the stark reality of death and one way to face it. Recognition of one's own mortality sort of chrystalizes everything; and you've used wonderful metaphoric language to highlight this: 'footprint fading, skiing down, terminal, blanched"...great write. Peace, Rhonda
. Rewarded 6
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wow this is breath taking,
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You express your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
This is very well-penned, dear poet. I particularly love your ending-stanza, as it just ties the whole thing together so nicely
I clicked because one of my poems is of the same name, and it's one of my favourites
I liked your take on this title also... Bravo, and best of luck in all you do
Best wishes,
Laura
. Rewarded 6
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