The grey-haired doctor
dutifully adopted an affected,
tailored tone of melancholy,
as if my darkness
had somehow
slithered snake-like
into his morning coffee,
now gone steel cold.
In a dim corner vaguely visible
a fly struggled vainly, enmeshed,
unwilling to concede a defeat
that valiance could not defer.
Trudging through the slush
once so pure and fresh,
I glanced back to see my footprint
fading into watery nonentity.
I gazed at the window drizzle
skiing down in zig zag paths,
glass tears that slid into
silent, submissive oblivion.
The roses in my cracked vase
were limp and blanched;
momentarily I thought of God
but dismissed that capitulation:
I would take this journey alone.
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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This is an amazing poem.It makes me thing of life,journeys and how we try to find happiness.It seems that the journey never ends.The gloomy tones of winter add melancholic notes to your lines.I think this is about leaving things behind,erasing memories and moving on.The snow represents life.Once pure with positive emotions and sentiments now turned into slush.
I glanced back to see my footprints-every second,moments leaves a mark in our life.
I gazed at the window drizzle
glass tears that slid into- amazing lines.
silent, submissive oblivion.
Makes me think of eyes.Like seeing things through different colored lens.Maybe seeing things through eyes of a stranger.Glass tears that slid into silent oblivion-tears that slid into iris.
And when everything seems frozen we question ourselves about God and never get an answer.I like the ending.
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NICE I LIKE IT
HOPE YOU LIKE MY POEM JUST as much AS I LIKED URS
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gosh
that was very potent, full of meassage.
I hope you are well.
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Oh my goodness this is the most emotive thing i have read in ages, it is immensly clever, worded to perfection
bravo
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This was truly such a deep write.. There was so much heart in every word written. It was so strong and touching. Thank you so much for sharing.
Angel
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This is poetry stripped to essentials - stark and harsh, but somehow strengthening. Well done.
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There in this piece you so very well created the "Dark" mood.. which I really liked about the poem. An over all beautiful write with superb wording... I loved it. Keep writing
Peace,
Lonely
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Such a touching melancholy write. It has a wonderful ebb and flow.
Bravo Poet!
Mariana*rose*
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A new write?? GASP
Well, well, stranger. Lovely to see you in these parts again,.
Quite a piece you've created here.. Heavy with shadows and mystery, a weary scoff to the thought of a stroll with The Almighty. Beautifully penned, brilliant images:
'In a dim corner vaguely visible
a fly struggled vainly, enmeshed,
unwilling to concede a defeat
that valiance could not defer.'
And:
'I glanced back to see my footprint
fading into watery nonentity.'
Brutal. Poignant, and leaves the reader with a sense of hopelessness that cannot be fully explained.. I hope to see more from you, Mr. camus. You've denied me of poetic gratification for too long lol. Much love as always.
Your fellow shadow,
~S.
xxxx
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this was so very sad
good but sad...
we want to shelter those that love us- well more protect them but to take the journey alone only hurts those more....
i know i didnt tell my mother about having cancer a few years ago.... she found out after going through my mail- innocently enough.... and the betrayal in her eyes was more than i could bear... i promised to always tell her if i relapsed
eh.. just where i went
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so deep
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deep profound thoughts...
but the terminal end never comes...its a phase which comes and goes...
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What a lovely poem. I always watch my footprints disappear in the slush. I won't get to enjoy that until spring...for now they're stuck haha.
Anyhoo...I always love the poems you write where you just sort of describe images. However, I hope this poem doesn't symbolize any latest developments. It better be just images and fantasy. Don't make me come over there haha
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So Profound
This is the first poem I have read on this site and I have to comment as it is so deep and multi-layered. It was the title that caught my eye. I hope all is well. Be strong.
Dan. -
Good
This is a good piece and obviously one close to your heart so to speak.
The way you have used metaphor throughout the piece is wonderful however i do think that this may make the piece less accessible to everyone.
Blessed Be
xoxoxox -
Wow! What a great write. This piece is really so very lovely and has a nice flow to it. It is so very philosophical. The piece made me think the entire time I was reading it. Best of luck in your future writing.
Caity
>Wakawaka<
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really good job
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I gazed at the window drizzle
skiing down in zig zag paths,
some reaching their terminal
while others seemed to dissipate
into silent yet sought-for oblivion.
The roses in my cracked vase
were limp and blanched;
momentarily only I thought of God
but dismissed that capitulation:
I would take this journey alone.
wow a terrific poem.You ended well and philosophically.Thanks for sharing.Please visit my page and check my poetry colelction just published. -
very good
good job
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very well done
I gazed at the window drizzle
skiing down in zig zag paths,
some reaching their terminal
while others seemed to dissipate
into silent yet sought-for oblivion.
wonderful write, tough subject
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very interesting write, will have to re-read this one to even get a glimps of what Im actually reading I think, I will also need the dictionary as dont know a few words you have used. in my opion we never really take our journeys alone we just feel we do......... thaks for sharing this write!
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Very good! Loved these words:
as if my darkness
had somehow
slithered snake-like
into his morning coffee,
now gone steel cold.
Pam
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This is great! I'm facing a biopsy with many sweeping feelings. I so relate to this poem. Your imagery and metaphors are awesome. I like the part about the cup of
coffee. It's so real. Bravo! Shancy.
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it kept my attention till the very end. i love it. a very strong write.
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there is real strength in this write not capitulation. the tone is one of starkness but also a resilient tone for really, ... all of us take this journey alone.
thanks for this write. this is not a cause of despair but of celebration for our pure, raw existence.
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I enjoyed the diminishing life force of this write...each stanza draws the reader a bit deeper into the stark reality of death and one way to face it. Recognition of one's own mortality sort of chrystalizes everything; and you've used wonderful metaphoric language to highlight this: 'footprint fading, skiing down, terminal, blanched"...great write. Peace, Rhonda
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wow this is breath taking,
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Excellent
A very fine write, indeed. You express your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
This is very well-penned, dear poet. I particularly love your ending-stanza, as it just ties the whole thing together so nicely
I clicked because one of my poems is of the same name, and it's one of my favourites
I liked your take on this title also... Bravo, and best of luck in all you do
Best wishes,
Laura
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