Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Control ~ Alt ~ Delete

Missing image

 

You sprinkled acidic laughter on my dreams
and they

              ~ so fragile ~

                             slowly crumbled into dust

 

You said we often talked but no words

                         were uttered from your lips

 

all I heard were the sneers of disdain

       reverberating

              reverberating

                     through my mind

 

You touched me with hands swarming with lust

       even whilst I wept grief stricken tears

              yet when I turned away from you              

                      you said

                                    ~ I didn't love you ~

 

Each heart stopping moment

          when any thoughts of living ~ died

                    you reached inside me

                              in so called supplication

 

 yet ~ instead of massaging me back to health
        your vice like grip

              tried to squeeze

                    the dying embers

                          of my misfiring brain

 

Life with you became a macabre dance of pain

       just another one your endless chores

               so you could move on

                        to better things

 

But the most painful thing was when I asked

    for release from my cage of ice
           and you cried

                 begging me not to go

                       citing love and commitment

 

We may have sworn to be together

    in sickness and in health

           but the life we lived wasn't real

                 merely a pantomime of existence

 

dragging one foot in front of the other
    hoping that the next step

       would lead to something akin to 'life'

 

You thought you broke me

       but you merely snapped my bones 

              with your maniacal laughter

 

And now free from the chains of our vows

I rise ~ like a phoenix from the dust

shaking off the broken promises of yesteryear

 

I prevail

     and I live

          and I breathe

                and I laugh

                     and I dream

                           and I love

                         

                             

                       ~ I prevail ~

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

picture prompt: artist unknown

In a list

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 33 of 33
  • OurxBeginning
    October 4

    Edit | Reply
    A very good piece. A dark tale about love that has gone corrupt. I loved the word use in this, it really added that extra effect to me. The hope at the end was nice to see. Through darkness, always comes light. Thanks for entering and good luck.


  • individuality gold member
    June 2

    Edit | Reply
    a good poem - ah the madness of love, it can try to bring us down with its heavy weights but sometimes it is us that shines victorious


  • billpoet silver member
    January 25
    Edit | Reply
    u b A+++++ type poet, and "ctrl alt delete" is outstanding and I am am very proud of you - billpoet


  • Cyanide Dreams
    January 25

    Edit | Reply
    this is great. I wasn't expecting the poem to be this from the title at all... The imagery in this is great and the metaphors in the poem are just simply amazing. This was a great write and it fits my contest perfectly, thanks for entering and good luck.


  • AngelaWilliams
    January 23

    Edit | Reply
    my heart always skips a beat when i see the words crafted in an origonal form. i always try and think what it reperesents... it looks like stairs, or drips, a decline. what i like most about this is you didn't sacrifice the content in exchange for the form, as many do, and you didn't overuse the form just for the sake of it. i could also concentrate on and imagine the whole thing as i read through, from beginning to end, which is rare for me. great!
    i also just love the title, so many people (me included) fall into the trap of writing the title quickly before getting the content down, and making it speak for itself or summarise the poem, ruining its effect. the title is what made me open this poem over the others.


  • The Cube
    January 14

    Edit | Reply
    This good well be a song. Perhaps the image represents a standing pint of confusion. Lost in the center and slowly died from the tention of the two men (Represented by mother natures harsh weather to tear down the tree) Good work


  • Walk-Free
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    "You thought you broke me
    but you merely snapped my bones of thought
    with your maniacal laughter "

    this was truly brilliant

    i could feel your disdain through your amazing metaphors.

    great job


  • sunnyafternoon78
    January 1

    Edit | Reply

    So pain sticken

    this was a very good write and I loved the way you described the torture you had to live through, then how you did prevail in the end. This also happened in my life. So the same way with the hate then when I wanted free the cry of lying love. This I am grateful to be freed of. You could not have done a better job descibing the pain and hurt that was felt. If this truly happenend to you I am glad you are free from your past. It is obvious that you are indeed free from it from the way the poem was written. Also good luck with your new life and never think everyone is the same to where it makes you alone forever. There are nice people out there. Just be careful and wait, this is if you have not already been blessed with a new true love.


  • ChelseySmile
    December 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow..
    That is all I can say.
    Amazing write. And the way it is laid out, so unique, artistic.
    Every word seems to fit in this poem so perfectly. The metaphors are wonderful. Vivid. And it shows tremendous strength to move on from this dysfunctional relationship.

    Beautiful.

    Good luck in the judging, and thank you for this entry.


  • Ithica silver member
    December 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Classic dysfunctional abusive relationship with a non-traditional ending... Very clever ending and title! I only wish more women possessed the strength and self awareness you describe. Thank-you for entering, Ithica


  • amaranthine lover gold member
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    reason for removal:

    this is not about Christmas.


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    December 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well written poem. i didnt like the ~ all over the place.
    Thanks for entering.
    Laura


  • ChunkyC
    December 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm so sad that I did not read this before I judged.. This was the missing honorable mention I needed... I really really really like this poem. The meaning and the words in this. And your metaphors, WOW. Beautiful.

    *Each heart stopping moment

    when any thoughts of living ~ died

    you reached inside me

    in so called supplication

    ~ yet ~ instead of massaging me back to health
    your vice like grip

    tried to squeeze

    the dying embers

    of my misfiring brain*

    These lines, I love! Because I know how this feels, to have the life squeezed out of you (emotionally speaking). Wonderful!

    I am sooooooo sorry that I did not read this before judging the contest.. You deserved an honorable mention for this work... Great job... I'm soo terribly sorry...

    Thanks for entering though, one of the best in this contest.


  • SheWasPreternatural
    December 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was unique in it's structure and vivid in it's imagery. A captivating piece. well done. - T


  • JinSays gold member
    December 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I do not agree with the last commenter. I liked the extra reverberates, I love the repetition. I love the raw honesty here, and going through this myself, I love the overall in your face, you've killed off that part of me feeling. I think this write is brilliant, and also it just smacks of self awareness gone awry. Love it love it love it, my newest sister.
    You've done a fabulous job here, and I just know my Blue is satisfied with it.
    Love always,
    Jin


    • nature mithya
      December 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Lol....

      ....I have had fried egg(featured at poetrysoup) and bedlam (breaking above average barriers) thrown out of contests.
      Anger and disrespect really need 'Control Alt Delete'.
      It is just a matter of ethics.

      Sorry if you have begun to hate 'Control Alt Delete'.

      It is good to know you understand rebvebrations in words.
      Congratulations on the matter.


  • nature
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You have brains and wit...

    .... but the most captivating words were in your title 'Control ~ Alt ~ Delete'.
    I could feel and relate computer hangups, with the way this person acted.
    With the title entered twice I know I shall always
    ' ~ I prevail ~ '.
    Congratulations.


  • Blue Rew silver member
    December 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Walking through the fire to become and breathe
    the fire as an emerging flame. Quite a moving write where the repetition and stepping lines
    work to emphasize an awareness. Blue

  • mcheadle
    December 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    What a Hell to go through

    I hope you keep no reminders...mac


    Merry Christmas little one hope things go fine for you...mac

  • mcheadle
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    What a Hell to go through

    I hope you keep no reminders...mac


    Merry Christmas little one hope things go fine for you...mac


  • Xavier X
    December 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is so tellingly written..

    all that controlling and putting down...but "he" seems to need it and need to be in charge and need to be adored.
    It scares me to see and hear how so many relationships are burdened with caging strategies, or apathy.

    At least this was hopeful.
    You capture the horrid story so well.

    I love the way the first 4 lines lead into the whole and foretell.


    you are a fabulous poet..and I hesitate to make suggestions....but
    "slowly crumbled to ashes" seems to much a cliche amongst great lines.

    and I thought there was one too many "reverberate"


  • iamlost gold member
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the formatting in this. The story is strong and sad, and your words are powerful. A beautiful idea well conveyed.

    Well penned,
    ~lost


  • lillypilly
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    thnx for the entry good luck


  • FaerieNWonderland
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is really good


  • RT KatPat
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Heartbreaking

    So sad for the lady to go through this pain.. clearly the guy is a jack ass! But its evident that she is strong and has the grit to move on.. ! Well done with the imagery.


  • Akari
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very good!

    The imagery is excellent, and it tells a great story. Great Job! and good luck in the contest.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    gosh this is,...

    Deep! Truly amazing write!


  • Pete Greenslade gold member
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    a woman scorned comes to mind,,,hope it is just for the contest,,brilliant good luck..peter


  • Alyzeh
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. NOW this is a stunner. Lovely write Mariana. The imagery was beautiful and so was the formation of this poem. I enjoyed the climax. A wonderful read.

    Good luck to you in all those contests. Hehe. This should win shinys. Many of them.

    Love
    Alyzeh


  • Plastic Dreams
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    all I heard were the sneers of disdain

    reverberating

    reverberating

    reverberating

    through my mind

    i enjoyed the way the word played like an odd echo stuck in my skull. the sound could be heard.

    this piece brings apart sadness and lays down a "misfiring brain" in a coping mechanism to stay alive in such situation.

    and it seems commitment always appears once things break down inside dark realities.

    and most definitely does this piece prevail. well written. thanks for the entry.


  • Nicada silver member
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow! This is so beautifully written, and the imagery is amazing. This tells a story of great pain, but also of breaking through and out of that pain, and into the life you deserve. Way to do that prompt justice. Very, very nice! Blessings, Patty


  • Draig aine gold member
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    and prevail you do great take on the prompy


  • Stevie.me
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful

    It's beautiful but sad. But I'm also glad you prevailed.
    I love how it develops to a happy climax.

1 - 33 of 33