My heart idly wanders
Like a stray field mouse
Through overgrown
Darkness:
Through the holes
In my soul,
That stole time to ponder
On life a while,
through the confines
Of the mind,
Where traps are ever
Present and I scurry
To no avail instead,
Drowning in rivers
Of doubt …
Only to be saved
By a snake with
Wise whirling eyes.
The hissing of
Self discovery resounds
As my heart brakes
Free and hides.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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The first thing that stuck out for me was the rhythm; the way it flows. I liked that a lot... The third stanza is my favorite, it hits deep. Great
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Oh. This is a pretty cool little poem that you have going on here. It reminds me of something. Hold on and let me think of it... Oh yeah! It's kind of crazy but this brought to mind the story of Adam and Eve. I guess it's because it's about choices and snakes and consequences. Lestways, that's what I was getting from this. I thought you did a good job of expressing yourself here.
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I like the way that you wrote it. It's very honest and the language is just well used! Nice job my friend!
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thank you
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Wowzers, love the images! liked the field mouse and the snake, very poetic piece old boy, great flow and tone too,
excellent work,
Alex.
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thanks alex
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