Pure black the form of smoke from mine eyes come my inner soul.
With hatred, ransacked hearts of misery.
Painful happenings for all to see as a warning.
Destroying that of which God erected.
The PURE RED BLOOD for all to see, The thorns.
Humility, and suffer, while scoffers laugh.
Lightning and thunder will come crashing down.
The angels' of the Lord are, too, fearful,
Of the all-mighty rage coming to pass.
Dark, mysterious waters form from a thrashing sea of green.
The panic and chaos of peoples cries,
Echo into the dawn of day...
Oh...how they are condemned to hell forever.
...They should have listened when He Came.
Author notes
Prompt-Option 3, I think that this pre-write goes with the Armageddon theme and the picture itself, granted...maybe it's not what your looking for but you only know if you try.
A contest entry
- Apocalypse by Cali.
400 points, ended December 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Soul Killers and Salt Pillars by Loki.
1650 points, ended January 3, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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This one was heavily dosed in theology, so I can only assume that you are deliberately taking that direction. The verbiage in this piece is a little distracting and I can't really put my finger on what it is exactly. The lines seem to read a bit choppy, I think. But the actual content of the poem shows forethought and intelligence.
In any case, thank you for your entry & good luck in the contest! -
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Maybe it reads better "not" chopped up? I'll change it back to the original way that I had it, and then see if it seems more fluid...unless it's the poem all together and doesn't go with this theme, I'm more than willing to remove myself from the contest? Like I said, never know unless you try. thank you for the comment.
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Nope, it's definitely not the poem itself. I think it's the choppy nature of the lines. So I will be certain to come back to read it in its original format!
Best of luck!
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