Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Pale Canvas

He said,
"I've been working out my dysfunctions on this canvas"
Dark colors of blue and black.
"Did you ever want to be my canvas?"

He thinks horrible things to himself,
"Even this brush stroke moves like my fist to your face."
Now, the paint has turned to deep red.
"Have you ever want to see my art in motion"

The artist has a deadly smirk
The girl, his muse, stands shaking at the knees.
"Isn't it a thing of beauty"
His work is finished.

For the public view stands his masterpiece
Blotches of black and blue,
Angry red marks.
All painted on to the palest canvas

But beauty is fleeting and soon she is gone.
Even the wonder of his art could not keep her near
Even her perfection could not save him,
Not from himself.

Author notes

"Art can't save a wretch like me" - Bright Eyes.

A contest entry

What do you think?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Beautiful-N-Broken gold member
    2 days ago
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Oh my goodness this is a very deep and powerful write. You did a great job writing this. Thank you so much for entering the contest and good luck in it!


  • XMysticalNightmareX
    November 17
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    wow really great poem, its horrible that someone can do this to a person, no one should have to be put through something like this, you are a great poet and thank you for entering this contest


  • insidemjsnotebook
    November 16
    Edit | Reply
    I love the comparison in this dear. Goodluck


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    September 15
    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful poem. You used wonderful imagery and metaphor. Thank you for entering.


  • RazorbladeKiss14
    September 13
    Edit | Reply
    Great job!!! I loved it!! It was very good and thank you for entering and good luck in my contest!!!


  • ChunkyC
    June 14

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow. I liked this. Your metaphors with the canvas and art are great. And the subtle way you weaved them into the poem was brilliant. Good job.

    "Even this brush stroke moves like my fist to your face."

    I liked this line. I'm not quite sure if it's original or not, but it was beautiful.

    For the public view stands his masterpiece
    Blotches of black and blue,
    Angry red marks.
    All painted on to the palest canvas

    And the way this is thrown in inconspicuously... Wonderful. I loved it. Great job.

    Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest :]

  • Beautiful Irony
    December 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very good take on that quote, almost certainly unique.

    It's a very dark write, sad and echoing. It certainly leaves it's mark on the reader.

    It leaves the reader wanting the muse to leave, and a feeling of relief when you tell us that she's left.

    The last line packs a punch, possibly has the biggest impact. It has a resonance. There's a brilliant contrast from the "perfect" muse to the decidedly not perfect artist. The title's slightly misleading, you don't expect something so dark!

    This is very good.

    Thank you for entering my contest.

    Sarah


  • Jesann gold member
    December 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great take on your quote.
    Sad, tormented and tragic....well written..and
    Well done.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    December 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Awwww this is beautiful, but tragic. This makes me feel so sad.

    - I love bright eyes.

1 - 9 of 9