Pale as moonlight she dances across my life.
She throws me my 15, my chance to shine
But it is only her attention I need tonight
This hero needs the damsel to save him.
I beg her for moments of sweet pleasure
Just to be close to her again is enough for now.
This hero has a wretched addiction
To my counterpart angel in disguise.
Her need for me dissipates with the days
More often she moves with newly learned grace
My helping hand and watchful eye become useless
This hero is watching his time run out.
She sweeps by me with her elegant smile
Her eyes whisper a final goodbye to my heroics.
Her mouth moves in gratitude and well wishes
This hero has already began to wither without a damsel.
Alone the hero fades, shifting and changing
I breathe gentle goodbyes to fanatics
Slipping and tripping my way out of this world.
This hero is nothing but a man, in love.
Author notes
props to Vampireeyes for the quote that inspired this poem
A contest entry
- Quote Quickie~! by Re-invention.
700 points, ended December 20, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - EVERYTHING/ANYTHING-PW allowed! by Heva Feva.
400 points, ended June 8, 172 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Have You Ever Failed?? by Let.Me.Be.Dreaming.
700 points, ended November 22, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1000 points, 1000 pws by Shadow Anonymised.
1000 points, ended November 23, 1058 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What do you think?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Oh, wow. Well written. Very well done poet.
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Really cute lol...!!
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Great job. Good luck and thanks for entering my contest.
-heva -
hhhhmmmm I like this. I have to admit that it is a little confusing the way you've written it, because you have the girl, the I, the hero, and the guy, and it's a little confusing. but yeah, love the idea.
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Well in this poem the guy, the I and the hero are one person.
I suppose I always thought that was the great thing about writing and poetry was that I could write from the first person perspective and still have it from a guys perspective.
Thanks for all the comments on my poems. -
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yeah, I understood that after consideration. It was just a little confusing. You're welcome, I enjoy it, you have good work.
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I like this. Love the irony of a hero needing saving by a damsel. GOOD WORK!
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awww i love the whole 'the hero needs the damsel to save him' it cute i like it
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it was good i got lost a cople of times but i liked it was a good poem keep up the good work check out some more of my poems kk talk to you soon
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I love the metaphor, of the hero and the angel, It's very nice. you flowed nicely from all happy happy to not so happy, happy too.
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I give u props for this poem u let ur meaning be heard, good job.
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I love this piece! When in love, everyone becomes a hero cause love is sometimes hard and we have to cope with a lot, not just flowers and butterflies in our stomach. That's my view, anyway.
Great poem!
Nela -
I like the twist on the traditional take of a "hero".
You over-use "hero" and even "damsel", by broadening your vocabulary you will be able to get out of the circular motion that tends to happen in this poem. Also, the flow doesn't seem perfect, I found it difficult to move smoothly from stanza to stanza.
It has a good concept though, so nice job on that.
Best of luck in the contest. -
very good.
:She sweeps by me with her elegant smile
Her eyes whisper a final goodbye to my heroics.
Her mouth moves in gratitude and well wishes
This hero has already began to wither without a damsel.:
I really like this part.
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aww much better thank you!
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nice way of ending your write.. confusive at first, but comprehensive at the end.. nicely penned I would suggest you fix the color of your lettering.. it hurts my eyes
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thanks, I think the color is fixed but I could see the first one fine so i don't know...
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I can read it but it hurts my eyesight lol anyways thanks!
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okay, sorry one more time, better?
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