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Twine And Thread

Ten balls of time intertwined have brought wisdom
To sacrifice, Is to deposit into a negative bank account
Now, my position claims millions in dept
I keep them in drawers shut away Lock-and-key
In certain centuries in my day, I desire to unravel
My question of the why's, where's, and what's
Do you ponder down memory lane when the moon is full?

They have transformed with my raw emotion,
And I don't believe I can recall the color
But I'm sure it's stained beyond my power
To rinse clean with forgiveness and forget
Before the spill, I saw ravenous vividness
Perhaps, I'll create from these a cloth
Because In my thought life,
I cannot perceive you as a human being
But just perhaps, a ruined fabric
Of mistakes and time.

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    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • hawkeslake gold member
    February 6

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    A fresh and lovely metaphor for emotions you are holding in abeyance; the flow of lines and content is very smooth and reinforces the sadness and perhaps some level of acceptance. Just one question: in the third line did you mean debt, as in something owed, or did you really mean the abbreviation for department (dept)? I think it changes the meaning quite a bit, or perhaps just my understanding (lol!)


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    December 16, 2008
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    very well penned
    your words were wonderfully crafted

    well done poet


  • Harlequin Dance
    December 11, 2008

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    I like the way you twine the idea of fabric around the whole poem, although the accounting in the beginning gave me pause a bit. Overall, very nice.

  • avatar1957
    December 11, 2008

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    Lily, I find it amazing and I cant tell you how many times I have questioned after a relationship break up,is he hurting also? does he think about me? does he have any regretts? The truth is unless the other party is a heartless----- Yes, they also go through grief and loss.
    I so love the anology of this poem I can tell you really pondered every word you used.
    Wonderful job
    Avatar1957


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    December 11, 2008

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    Excellent

    A write with very unique imagery, indeed. You have expressed your thoughts quite well. Thanks for sharing this one.

1 - 7 of 7