A Victim of Circumstances (Fiction, 5/20/02)

5/20/02

I’ve had a difficult day. I hope by revealing it to you now I can ease my eternal sorrow and alleviate my everlasting pain. The events may be difficult to believe but I swear on my sainted mother’s grave that every word I relate is true.

I lost my wife today.

It is more than I can bear. I kissed her good-bye this morning, just like any other morning. She seemed happy and gay; not a care in the world. I went to work, concerned over the daily debits and credits and never, as usual, gave my beautiful, steadfast wife a second thought.

Then at noon, a phone call, a muffled, gurgling sound, like a fish laboring heavily to breathe underwater. I became alarmed, thinking that my goldfish might need my help and with dire heart, rushed home.

I entered the house and there was my beautiful steadfast wife, lying prone on the floor, her cell phone in her left hand. Apparently she had been waxing the kitchen floor and had slipped, her head had become irrevocably lodged in a wash bucket full of sudsy water and she had drowned. Next to my wife, written in soapsuds was scrawled the words, 'I Luv U'.

I ache from this loss.

I lost my mother today.

If the pain of losing my beautiful, steadfast wife wasn’t bad enough, my sainted mother died too. Telephone records show that my wife had, true to her heroic nature, somehow found the telephone, and after dialing me, had courageously called my sainted life-giver.

My sainted mother, apparently fearing that the goldfish might be drowning, rushed to my house. As she entered, she must have skidded on the still slippery floor and cascaded over to the kitchen bey window where she teetered off balance before she crashed through and onto the pavement and broke her sainted neck.

I cannot bear it...my sainted mother is no more!

I lost my dog today.

As my sainted mother fell out of the window, she apparently landed on my beloved cocker spaniel, Trublu. The thrust of the 180-pound woman snapped my beloved dog's back. Trublu, always loyal, seems to have crawled heroically into the front door of our house and lay down next to his mistress. Knowing my dog I'm certain that he looked toward the goldfish swimming contently in his bowl and with a sense of relief, succumbed to 'God's infinite plan'.

It hurts so...I’ve lost my best friend!

I lost my son today

My conscientious and dutiful boy, Egbert, as befits a child of perfect temperament, came home from school and was faced with the horrifying scene of familial demise. Obviously pushing back tears, he must have checked on the goldfish's welfare and then, ran to the phone and called 9-1-1. In his alarm, he slipped on the, as yet, still slippery floor, got entangled in the phone cord and in a frantic effort to free himself, became more entangled, and the poor, conscientious and dutiful boy hung himself.

My boy Egbert, my namesake, my path to perpetuity has ceased to be!

I lost myself today

I rushed into the house, saw the horrific scene, skidded on that still slippery floor, tripped over the body of my beautiful steadfast wife, then my late beloved dog; trying to right my balance, I nearly got entangled along side my poor, dangling, conscientious and dutiful son Egbert. Freeing myself from the phone cord, I side stepped toward the big bey window, saw the shocking scene of my sainted mother, who, needless to say,still remained stretched out on the sidewalk pavement; corrected my balance, forward pedalled to the middle of the floor where I came to a sudden, uneventful halt.

Just then a freak accident occurred. The ceiling fan that I had saved $30 dollars on by doing my own installation, had become loosened from it's base and crashed onto my head. Just before everything turned eternally black, I looked across the room to the fish bowl...thank God for his infinite mercy; the goldfish was safe!

Thus I've gone to heaven where I should be with my loved ones, but where is Trublu?  No one will look me in the eye and tell me. Still, I should be happy, but I have gone to meet my maker with a troubled soul for I have one more question yet unanswered and it is more than I can bear...who will feed the goldfish?