and you
feel like mine,
although you're not a whisper, or a taste -
you are a glimmer of breath
exhaled scent of bitter blossoms
puckering.
each way you flow
this direction, and yet another
leaves me trembling as I wait
for a word
a lavender voice:
blue like the tender touch
of calloused fingertips -
ownership is impossible
when the property
is senseless;
your hands tangle
mine.
~~~
Author notes
title sucks, I know.
I just haven't written anything in too long. this took me about 5 minutes to dream up and I didn't even edit it. blah.
In a list
wake me up.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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title is a bit awkward, I will admit.
but the poem was simply adorable. I love the way you worded this.
you know how to express yourself very well.
you're not blah.
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Pretty darn good for five minutes of work pretty good for two hours lol Well done
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Great poem daughter, no editing required, Love Dad
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I can feel these words, they hit home for my own reasons at this time. I'd remove the 'even's from those 2 lines...stronger as 'although you're not a whisper, or a taste-
I would try exhaled rather than the 'ing'
Take 'just' away, not necessary..the tremble tells us it's what you wait for.
'ownership impossible (no need for the is)
It's a tidy up really, this is strong and harsh in its yearned emotions. I do know how this feels
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Thank you so much! I love your suggestions.
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