Balancing on the rocks
for now standing still
Not excepting the waves
Timelessly move
Hear a gull call
a shrill of glee
to see me here
Where no other will come
Onto the rock
No fear of the tide
Watching for treasure
Left by the sea
A contest entry
- Inspired by Zen by Heath Thompson.
1750 points, ended December 20, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
I really liked this piece, but the first stanza i though could be changed; I think "for now" on the second line should be changed to "endlessly" or "eternally" and I think "as they" should be added on to the beginging of the 4th line.
but over all this was a good poem keep it up my friend.
take care.
-
I liked it, too. The imagery was so strong I could see you balanced on the rocks, the wind in your hair and the foaming waves at your feet! Here's a minor suggestion: 1st stanza, 2nd line - would it be stronger without the "for"?
-
very good write
the last stanza rocks, whoops sorry for the pun
Onto the rock
No fear of the tide
Watching for treasure
Left by the sea
-
Hi Seawitch,
I like the last two lines of the poem - they really make it work - create an almost child-like memory of when we believed treasures and mysteries could materialise, if we just watched and waited - may be they still can!
Thanks,
Heath
Adding your comment:
