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Beautiful Disaster

The son of chaos and the daughter of fear, or was it the other way around?
With their walls around them.
With the chaos surrounding them.
With the fear within them.

Always wondering, am I going to get hurt?
Will I hurt the other person?
Always more questions.
Always more chaos.
Always more fear.

Their walls around them.

Still they went hand in hand.
Two dark clouds that had formed into one.
Just for a second.

It was a beautiful disaster.
And now it's over.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Discoveria
    June 22

    Edit | Reply
    I've looked through about half your poems and this is the only so far that I feel able to comment on. Are your poems intensely personal? Also the comments I would leave on the others would be critical - if you want them let me know.

    This one paints a picture of two young people, both flawed and vulnerable, in a relationship that was doomed. The repetition worked well. The ending was a little anticlimactic - though appropriate in its own way.


    • Shatteredintopieces
      June 23
      Edit | Reply
      Yes, most of my poems are personal or relate to me personaly in some way because thats when it's easiest for me to write. Feel free to comment, critic is something that can make me a better writer and the way people feel about diffrent types of poetry varies so critic is not anything I get upset about. I will still like the work that I have put up on this site. So I don't mind.

      Thank you.



  • ruthie fallen angel
    December 14, 2008
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    good job and good luck


  • Walk-Free
    December 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    strong write.

    the beginning was brilliant; "
    The son of chaos and the daughter of fear, or was it the other way around?"

    but there isn't a clear distinction why this poem is about missing someone or if it's just a poem about heartbreak.

    thanks for this great entry and all the best


  • Netherspice
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent!

    Amazing write.

    The flow is good, and the repeated "Always" lends a certain mass to it.

    And I just love the first line. Abso-fucking-lutely fantastic.

1 - 5 of 5