Gear heads hunker over engine blocks
While pencil-pushing prostitutes
Crank out the designs for next years model
Oh, how backwards we be
And no wrench-weilding encephalopath
With bright ideas and an eight pound brain
Who lives, breathes, and masturbates over throttle bodies
Should have a say in design
The big suit
The white smile
The power-toting
Cigar smoking
Grating out prefabricated flaws
And endangering us all
Engendering hazardous lifestyles
With an extra third-row seat
A contest entry
- prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended December 10, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Love the 'pencil pushing prostitutes'. Its like a wonderful oxymoron.
I liked the ending but the third stanza didn't fit as well with the form as the others. Just personal opinion -
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I don't really write by form as much as emotion and expression. The third stanza is supposed to be different, more staccato and aggressive than the previous ones. Thanks for your input, but if you're looking for form over feeling, you're out of luck in this section of the poetry corner! :]
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Believe me, not looking for form at all - I meant in relation with the rest of your piece, thats all.
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The whole piece is about the auto bailout and the possibility of congress having a say in what our cars look and run like. The third stanza is about the typical power-hungry congressman with 70 lobbyists to please.
Please, know that aggression is not intended. I'm only defending my piece. Once more, thank you for the notes. They are much appreciated.
Happy days for all!
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Great! You captured the subject very well. The vocab was outstanding and the topic is very original; thank you for sharing this with us.
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