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A Guid Tribute to Wee Harry Lauder

    

 

Roamin' in the gloamin
By the bonnie banks o' Clyde
I lay doon wi' a wee slag
And slipped ma prick inside.
And when 'twas time tae cum
I pushed it up her bum
Moanin' and groanin'
Past her bubbly sphincter.

    

 

De ye ken Dockside Doris?
She's a fat weedgie hoor;
She'll suck ye off fer twelve pence
And shag fer thruppence moor.
She's a wee Scottish prozzy
And she hangs oot by the dock
And any braw' bricht moonlicht nicht
She'll gam yer scabby cock.

 

   

So I'll tak' the high road
And ye'll tak' the low road
And I'll be in the Gorbals afore ye;
But sadly, ma' ain true love
Can nae langer get his hole
Wi' the bonnie bonnie hoors
Of Loch Foreskin.

 

          

Author notes

These charming songs are based on tunes sung in the Music Halls by Sir Harry Lauder or wee McFuck Face as he was sometimes known.

Sir Harry Lauder (1870-1950) was a Scottish music hall singer and "comedian" in the first half of the 20th century. He was incredibly popular although would be seen as ludicrously stereotypical now, and about as funny as Culloden. He was knighted in 1919 and looked very cute in his kilt (although pretty horrid in the nuddy). He had a voice like a hacksaw cutting slowly through stale porridge. Some of his best known songs are parodied in the poem.

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • zilbermann silver member
    December 16, 2008
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    Very amusing


  • ea silver member
    December 16, 2008
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    Ach, away wid yer wee silver now, small ain Edna. Well done on ya.


  • chills gold member
    December 11, 2008
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    Second verse has it for me, well, no, then again, maybe.... Edna darling you surpass yourself x btw, have the clap x


  • no win no fee
    December 11, 2008

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    what a hoot. you have earned yourself a place in my "Sentence of the day book" with " And any brawl` bricht moonlicht nicht She`ll gam yer scabby cock. xx

  • NeedaMuse
    December 10, 2008

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    The second stanza is priceless and the first is very good. The third was a disappointment after the second.


  • Keith
    December 10, 2008

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    Well, ah'm no' right sure that Sir Harry would have gone down well at the Glasgow Empire had he used these rather scurrilous lyrics. And how d'ye ken what Sir Harry looked like in the bare buff? I thought I had destroyed the negatives of these rare daguerrotypes. A very nice and tasteful rendering of these Lauder favourites, if I may say so.

1 - 6 of 6