Unfaithful

Suspicion engulfs me.
Cloudy is everything I see.
I do not wish to accuse wrongly
so I wait patiently.
To be wrong I would be gladly
but submit to it I must glumly.
Who could it be,
this other lady?
When she asks, “Who is Edi?”
Do you say, “Oh she is nobody.”?

I’m sorry we had to be apart
The job was my start
What I wanted was not a part.
This pain kills me it is so sharp,
deep in my chest like a dart
right through my heart.

Oh how badly I wanted to be wrong.
I prayed so hard and so long.
I know that together we belong
But for my rights I must be strong.
Why do you have to be so damn headstrong?

Why do you still lie?
Can’t you see me cry?
Why don’t you reply?
Do you know how much I don’t want to say goodbye?
Next to you I still want to lie.

I am so afraid.
So many times I have been betrayed.
I am so sick of this charade.
I do not wish goodbye to be bade.
This anger I wish I could dissuade.

For my spot I must fight.
To be loved is my right.
I don’t deserve this insult, this slight.
For his heart I must fight.
Kick, scream, and bite
and yet at the end I see no light.
Oh how I wish I could have seen this with some foresight.

Tired I am of all this pain
I know you are scared but by hurting me what have you to gain?
Nothing is the same.
Do you feel guilt, do you feel shame?
I see her now at our softball game
My uniform is has a tearstain
But only one for now she and I have our game.

Not a word is spoken yet now we play.
Our own game we play today.
We keep our torrid emotions at bay
but the tension is felt all across the way.
Not a word we say
but each wants the other to pay.
For ownership today we play.
She smirks and smiles, she is giddy and gay
as he tells me, “I want no drama today.”
I must obey.
So his hands on me do not lay.
I do not get a kiss today.
One up she is I note with dismay.
Today my outfit is risqué
I see him look my way
one up hooray.

I am selfish you say for wanting time to heal.
This is so unreal,
what is your deal?
My heart you steal
then you break it and over I keel.
And I am selfish for needing to heal!?
What is it that you want me to reveal?
Are you wanting to me to bow down and kneel!?
I hate this whole fucking ordeal!!!