I only see you through love’s veil.
My love for you is my lizard tail.
You cut it off, just to see me run.
Soon you will see I will pullulate another one.
Will you cut it off again?
And repeat your concupiscence sin?
Your cruelty only leaves my soul with a scar
A cognoscente of love, Is that what you are?
Are you a collector of affection and lonely hearts?
You blend a nectar sweet touch, with words like fiery darts.
A contest entry
- Pissed Love by Hateful Apathy.
2200 points, ended December 14, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Got an HM You Think Deserves Better? by Paloszoo.
900 points, ended April 9, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Honorable Mentions by queenie.
1800 points, ended April 8, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Too Cheesy? Not many love poems with lizzards in them eh?
Comments
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nice words used. a nice reflective piece. thanks for entering.
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Hi. Thanks for entering my contest and good luck! I’ve decided to use a slightly edited version of my friend Arkbear’s grading scoreboard to help me judge this contest. I hope he doesn’t mind. It’ll aid me in organizing my thoughts and judging fairly versus randomly. I hope you enjoy it and find it helpful. Writers with the highest possible points out of 80 will obviously win
Title Appeal: 9.5 – Mysterious title, which draws me in to want me to read more. Doesn’t give away the content of the poem. Nice job.
Poem Flow: 7.5 – I think this would flow better in couplets. Also, the flow was really choppy, because the meter/rhythm is off: Long lines versus short lines. Also, my small brain tripped over your big words, which also made the flow poor. I had to stop and sound them out, then get out my dictionary.
Depth: 8.75 – Interesting metaphors here, which will leave the readers to remember this one. Interesting.
Emotional Impact: 8.25 – I was too hung up on those big words, that I didn’t connect with this piece. I’m sorry
Spelling and Grammar: 10 – Great job.
Punctuation and Caps: 9.5 - Missing a period after “scar”. I would also use different punctuation after “A cognoscente of love.” That would justify your capital on the word “Is” after that line.
Presentation: 9.25 – Again, this would be more aesthetically pleasing presented in couplets IMO.
Personal Appeal: 7.5 – Not a fan of big, fancy words that require the average person to pull out a dictionary. And I was 13th out of a class of 550 people, so I’m not that stupid…… or maybe I am. I dunno. That was a long time ago
My score: 70.25/80.00
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Wow, loved it. If I could, I would give it more than 3 clappers.
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