The moments of lovers departure
Came at last
Life passes so swiftly
How fast! Oh God! Aghast!
Dying in his arms she said:
"Hey it's peace to die! Know why?
Because they say I make you sad
I'm the reason you cry!
But oh my only love
Please now atleast smile
It's the only cure to my wounded soul
Look in my eyes for awhile
Tell me I wasn't only a waste
My love and laughter wasn't insane
Hey! don't cry! It hurts
Give me all your worthy pain"
Then she laughed for he looked sad
Smiled, said: "I love you and Good-bye!"
Saw him smile and hugged the death
With a gorgeous sigh
It was too late but now was the time
So he said, while dears escaped his eyes
"oh my love I loved you too, more than my life
Did you know u were my only love and joy!"
Author notes
Well I dn't know if it's so effective but I just atleast wrote something after so much time
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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revise again sweets and change some spellings and it ll work better
caps on the "Oh my love" part to speech marks to show who is talking simple things easily fixed will help with any write hope this helps


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hmmmm 1
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The stifled emotion makes it effective. It's as if you're challenging the reader not to feel sadness when they picture the hope and hopelessness in the eyes of the lovers.
The title's ironic...! But to me this was a display of courage in the face of death.
Nice flow, maybe with a couple of small errors (e.g. 3rd last line), but to tell the truth, I'm touched even as I write this.

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this is nice, sounds like a frame from a scene of some loosing couples.. fix "u" in the last line.. its the only "u" it will feel lonely
i like the flow .. it reads out well. i am sure you can bring out more. i am happy to see you write and hope to see more.

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you make this almost sickly funny considering the circumtance
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