The season has come,
Winter sweeps across the town
Alone with the cold.
Tonight they all smile,
Overwhelmed by happiness,
Blinded by these lights.
They will never know,
What it's like to be like me,
Homeless for Christmas.
Author notes
haiku
words used:
cold
happy (i used happiness instead... does that count?
lights
season
Winter
---
a lot of people are home for christmas
whats christmas like for the homeless
its cold... and everyone around them is happy and warm
christmas isnt fun and games for everyone.
i started thinking about this after listening to the song Buissness Suits and Combat Boots by The Agonist
i kept thinking about the "These eyes are blind to several hundred left behind (Lest we forget again)" part and thought this might help me write a poem about the people we forget about.
A contest entry
- Allpoetry Kids Christmas Bash 2008 (win a gold membership) by Little Eagle.
4200 points, ended January 11, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make this THE largest Contest EVER on AP [enter, enter, enter!] by Symphony.
18000 points, ended April 28, 1014 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Beautifully written; really got across the theme of hopelessness in this - and it's true,
at christmas time we all become so excited and tied up in ourselves that it's very easy to forget that it isn't a happy time of year for everyone, and indeed ... those on the streets - this provides food for thought for sure!
thank you for sharing this with us, and, congrats on the win
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some critiques in terms of haiku. images should be from nature's perspective, the ultimate in showing vs. telling. "overwhelmed" is fundamentally a telling word. What does it look like? Perhaps their eyes are wide, their hands outstretched.
Same with "they will never know". What does this look like? haikus need to be completely and only visually descriptive.
So I would argue this isn't really very haikuish, but it is a very nice and powerfully emotional poem. Nice write! -
PITY...
you have NOT changed the first line
of the second verse,
for then it would have been
perfect!
The season has come,
Winter sweeps across the town
Alone with the cold.
Tonight they "all" smile,
Overwhelmed by happiness,
Blinded by these lights.
They will never know,
What it's like to be like me,
Homeless for Christmas.
Anna.
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This is a very touching string of haiku
I really like that you have created such a strong message of what Christmas is really about, the family, the togetherness, and most of all charity to others - beautiful write
Merry Christmas!
Polly
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Wow, I think you did an amazing job with these Haikus. Except for the first line of the second one they all are constructions of 5-7-5. And together they tell a nice story. Yes, I love it! Very well done.
Anna.
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So sad. I would hate to be left alone and homeless anytime. I love how you wrote it, and i like how you show a bit of humanity in your words. I mean how you seem so real and angry in it. Well done. Very well done
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I do like this poem. It shows very well the sadness of the homeless. Honestly, I would never have guessed you were twelve by your writing. You seem very intelligent to me, at least. It's a good poem, I think.
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nods and smiles basking in the warmth of the expressed humanity
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