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Foolin' Around

You've got the softest, warm arms
The most beautiful smile
Your eyes shine so bright
You've got poise, you've got style
I'm going to stop
Ah, foolin' around

Yeh! I'm going to stop
Foolin' around
Now I've found you
You're the one I've been looking for

From the very first time
I kissed your lips
You had me tingling from my head
Down to my finger tips
I'll never be
Searching ever more

I'm going to stop
Foolin' around
Now I've now found
The girl/boy I've been looking for

There's no one else I want to hold
I'm so hung up on you
I'd sell my very soul
You're such a pretty package
Don't want anything else
Just want to wrap you in my arms
And keep you for myself

Yeh! I'm going to stop
Foolin' around
Now I've found you
You're the one I've been looking for

You're such a pretty package
Don't want anything else
Just want to wrap you in my arms
And keep you for myself
I'm going to stop
Foolin' around
I'm going to stop
Foolin' around
I'm going to stop
Foolin' around...

A contest entry

In the

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Zane Rose
    January 12

    Edit | Reply
    I'm guessing these are lyrics. And by making that assumption I will start off by saying that I could feel a rhythm in my head.
    But I must also say that I agree with the other person who commented and say that it lacks symmetry. Even songs have symmetry. I think it is fine the way it is but you should also take that into consideration.
    Sorry if I'm being to forward with my opinions.
    Good job, good luck, and keep up the great writing!
    ~AEO~


  • LadySerenity
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem could be written as a song. It's written very well. The stanza's are a little off when it comes to symmetry. You start off with six and then four and then six and four and then seven. I also see where you had a rhyming scheme but then starting with the fifth stanza it kind of veers off a little. I hope you don't mind my comments. I like the premise of this poem and think it is very good. Thank you for entering my contest. Good Luck

    Lady Serenity