The Dust of Deceit

Sitting here on the edge of yesterday the pain grips me,
a clear and sublime rage, born of betrayal and lies.
The depth of my longing to stay in a time unknown,
when I was naive and blissfully ignorant,
runs within my blood, chilling and slowing it.
As my life begins to lapse into a pseudo-cryogenic state,
I pause to reflect on the real truth of the matter.

Yes I was lied to, and yes it kills me,
but does it really make a difference?

For over a decade I've been clutched tightly,
yet always kept at arms length from being whole.
Now the lack of completion makes more sense,
and I am seeing things from a new perspective.
All that I have tried for and struggled to obtain,
the years that I've been right, and left unsung,
have all lead me to this one moment in time,
when life becomes open to me, and understood.
Kept from the role of guardian, my counsel ignored,
relegated to only friendship and company,
has kept my ideas at bay, to such a great loss.
I have watched her suffer through needlessly,
unable to assist, to protect, or to guide, but,
It shall be this way no longer, this I know now.
If a father I cannot be, a friend shall I remain,
ever vigilant and near, should the need arise.
An ear I will be, and a confidant, the keeper of the truth.
Anything I can think of to make things better,
for her and only her I will do it all, and so much more.
I'm not be the knight who will someday come
and take her to the place she so longs to be, of course,
but I'll be here to keep her safe till he arrives.

So as I shake myself and rise from the edge of yesterday,
I kick the dust of deceit from the boots of life with a grin.
I always wanted peace, just a touch of it to hold onto,
and now, in a way wholly unexpected, I have it.
The future doesn't seem so unknown any more.
The lights at the end of my tunnel have begun to flicker
and I feel a breeze of life rushing to meet me.
Stepping bravely into today, I smile at the thought,
of truly knowing what she'll mean to me tomorrow.