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bi-polar 1

i share your sport--
up and down
and we are in good company

line upon line
till the eye runs black
with discontent
hollow the bust
sad in shelves deep

strange
in the nose
in front of the mind--
tossing

careful the secret--
telling
in a clever story--
dumb in the feet
and long in the tale

divided in person
we seek
what a dull man is--
vacant--
with an open mouthed smile

yet,
there are too many things,
so much--
we cannot complete

then--
in hell's swinging gate
we open
what is not our own
with meddling finger
and still want love

and, perhaps--
to be more like the blunt man--
who is grinning
for no reason that I can see

Author notes

by kevin o'connor/ui'connabhair worst for contest sake

A contest entry

What did you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • pineapple-eyes gold member
    August 20

    Edit | Reply
    I find parts of this write awakard and disorganised but then so is mania and depression. Maybe it is just that I do not get parts of it and that is okay as not everybody gets everything. Best wishes.


  • aanika
    February 6

    Edit | Reply
    yes.

    I understand that this is about people who are bipolar, but I still don't like the use of '--' so often. it throws off the flow in my opinion. that aside, I loved this.

    thanks for entering.


  • stasis
    January 25
    Edit | Reply

    yes

    Critically, I think that you might want to work on your line breaks and grammar. We don't want people passing out should they decide to read it aloud, do we?

    That aside, I think that this was a great description of bipolar disorder. I like it.

    Please wait for the other judge to comment with her opinion.

    ♣ Tegan


  • Angelflower
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this was really intense and wonderfully written, emotional as well. you wrote something that many people battle with I'm sure. Thank you very much for sharing. I truly enjoyed reading.

    Angel