the first time i remembered what you use to do to me i was 22 and all i see in my head is me and you going into my bedroom after you gave me a bath your hands would wonder all over me i did not understand what you were doing or why you were doing it but you did and it was always me which i thought meant i was your favourite but i realise now i wasnt your favourite my sisters were as you never touched them and if i got into trouble you would just beat me but if it was one of the others they got a beating but so did i you seperated me from my sisters room and put me in a room of my own as you said i could not behave so deserve to be on my own i know now why so you could creep into my room and touch me and watch me and make me do things to you at your own lesiure and i think i wasage of five when you seperated me well i think i was about that age as cant honestly remember but i let you do things to me which i shouldnt of let you do i have nightmares and flashbacks now of what you did and i keep wondering what i did to deserve that as if i had done something wrong maybe i did knowing me i properply was bad or devil child like you use to call me i have tried so hard to block you out with cutting and drugs and they last for a little while but then your back there in my head as if your talking to me like i was younger and i start doing things to try to get you out like hurting myself its as if your telling me to hurt myself over and over again i am going to get you out of my head you have won i am broken so im sorry to the people i do love but cant live with this anymore
Author notes
sorry if this upsets anyone but i needed to start trying to get it out as was in hospital on friday for trying to take my own life yet again so sorry if you read and dont like it
A contest entry
- ~~ Break Me Down ~~ by xxRainbowDawnxx.
615 points, ended December 26, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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The emotion in this is powerful, and it's sort of beautiful in an ugly way (if you understand what i mean...) But I think you should go back and try to do some more organizing... the way it is now the reader needs to work to understand. Perhaps that's what you were going for, but I think it can turn some readers off.
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This hits so close 2 home... I went through the same thing... I think its great ur gettin him out of ur system... ur so much better and stronger than he is so show urself and everyone...
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I Just Want To Say I am sorry and i am at a loss for words
Just to let you know that what was don tot you was not your fault. I too have gone thorough a very similar situation and i know how hard it is to make things like this just to be put in your past but first you must talk about them i know it is not easy by any means at all but it helps it really dose and if you would like to ever talk to me about anything or to hear my stories i am always here you can always contact me on my Yahoo Its mommie1220@yahoo.com i hope to here from you and even tho i may not know you i do love you.
♥Moe
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People like this are worthless shit and not worth even second thinking about, though of course it's easier said than done.
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I'm sorry, I really don't know what to say. I've been sat staring at the screen after reading your piece for about five mins now...
I can't even try to empathise with you...but hey I hope you find some release in writing about it. Not that I would wish what you've written about on anyone, but the passion and sincerty you have in your writing only comes from deep emotions like the ones you have. This was a powerful write and it shows you have a talent in writing, so keep it up.
I couldn't leave without commenting, it was that powerful.
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I don't quite know what to say. Your poem has affected me deeply, the honesty and depth of emotion is incredible. Please stay strong and know that you are not alone. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you. Remeber that although life may seem long and painful, there is always hope for everyone, especially someone as wise, beautiful and special as yourself. Your skill as a poet sets you apart from everyone else, you are a very talented writer and I hope you find comfort in your art. Love and best wishes
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Hallo Poetess ...
How are you?
Just to say once again I love you ... Thank you for the chat! It was so insightful.
Love to you, Precious.
Myra -
Intensely moving words. They leave the reader speechless. In instants like this I feel ashamed of being of masculine gender. Men have caused an immeasurable amount of anguish and destruction. For this reason I never wished for sons. Now I have two beautiful daughters - wise, compassionate and intelligent beings, capable of contributing in a positive way to this world. Examples to the stupid, selfish gender of men. I sincerely hope you will find a way to process this utterly horrible experience and become one again who will be able to find meaning and joy in this life. Stay strong and take care.
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Thank you for letting me know ...
that you are going through this rough time. I am sad for the pain you had to carry on your own, but now you are once again picking up your head and I am so proud of this effort. It is a very hard life you had; you are brave and sometimes one just does not want to be brave anymore; just wants to forget all the sorrow, right? And it reappears as soon as one feels it is gone -- often in the happiest of moments.
Please KNOW this with your entire BEING: mind, heart, soul: God is the UNCHANGING Factor of Joy, Peace and of Hope. Cling to Him in your darkest hours, please precious Margaret! The reward will be great, for slowly but surely you will heal completely ... I have NO DOUBT about that!
My prayers are with you constantly. I am sorry that I was so busy this year ... I feel as if I failed you. Please know even though we are so far apart in distance, we are one in our quest to become healed from the abusive onslaught of darkness.
Please talk to me whenever you need me. If you forgot my Yahoo ID, please let me know and I shall send it to you.
Love
Myra
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hi
hi thanks for the reply hun will need your yahoo id again as had to uninstall and reinstall as being playing up big style on me the sensible thing would of being to write the contacts down on paper first lol -
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Okay I shall send it to you ...
I HATE YAHOO! It does weird things. But it is better than nothing. So let us try, then.
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