You said you couldn’t hold me,
that no-one ever could,
I was like an echo
drifting on the wind,
breezing through the skies
like a wild, white stallion
that should never be tamed
or broken.
You said ‘just drift through my fingers
for awhile,
let me feel, touch what I can’t have,
can’t keep,
before you drift on
like the exotic butterfly
flitting freely over flowers,
stopping only long enough
to sip nectar now and then,
taking your fill, then leaving
a forlorn skin
that was once touched by a kiss,
a vision that wasn’t real.’
I floated, for awhile,
then lifted off for the clear skies of freedom,
got lost in the vastness of space
where I continue to exist
still floating like an echo.
Author notes
The song: There is an End by the Greenhornes (love it!!!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cwq_sksL_6o
just thoughts while listening to the song - probably cliche'
my first version was more on death; I chose this version, though....
(I was told this once - guess it was 'my way'....
A contest entry
- ,words disappear .words once so clear by Kirs.
725 points, ended December 25, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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Very Nice
Its so powerful and descriptive yet lush and sensitive. Bravo
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Thank you so much for reading 'ColdHeartLiesInside' and for your lovely comment. I am pleased you enjoyed this.
best wishes
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Excellent
So very creative and well expressed.Truly captures the image so well.
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Thank you so much 'penman' - glad you enjoyed this.
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love this one
the echo floats for eternity
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Thank you so much 'Draig aine' - glad you enjoyed this.
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Exceptional work here
You have truly outdone yourself here my friend I must say BRAVO
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Thank you 'stories....' - I'm so glad you enjoyed this.
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Wow I love the last stanza, very powerful. The imagery is beautiful, a great write
Good luck in the contest ^^
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Thank you so much 'pumpykin' for reading and your lovely comment. I am pleased you liked my quick thoughts in this write.
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Thanks for the commentary on my piece. Although I would have enjoyed a lengthier review on my end, I figured I’d take a peek at something of yours. Well, my main issue is the uninitialized potential here. I’m just going to give some small general tips, seeing as that’s the best advice people usually take from me. For starters, as a general rule of thumb, you should stay away from subjective personal pronouns, such as “me,” “I,” “her,” and “she.” You should also be very careful when using the reference “like” too. It’s not that a poem can instantly be soured by these things; it’s just that very few people can utilize them tastefully.
I’m not trying to set limitations on your writing, but for me personally, I find it to be good practice for developing that “outside the box” type sound. I’ve actually always had a “word count” for every one of my poems, anything to keep it from feeling over saturated. For example, I won’t permit myself to use a single word more than three times. Certain words and poetic licenses only get used once, and I mean once. It gets more challenging for sure, but poetry is a tangibly rewardless medium anyway. So why not spend the time making something you’re proud of? Personally, I’d rather write ten poems and make people stop and stare, than fifty that disintegrate from memory.
-Doldrums (The Abstract Poet)
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Thank you so much 'Doldrums' for RTF - most people don't bother, so I really appreciate that you did.
I really couldn't leave much on yours - I liked it as it was, nothing to really 'nit-pick' on it....it was well done!
This write is a little different for me - it was from a personal perspective of what was once said - and I just wrote it that way. Normally, I don't use the same word more than once.....unless I use it for emphasis, then I might use it twice. I should have done this one 'out of the box', but I've found that even when some judges state that's what they want - it isn't. And I just went with my feelings on this - it's more for me anyways.
I appreciate your thoughts on this.
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Wow! Some superbly stunning imagery here hunni, love the picture your words paint!
An awesome write! Good luck in the contest with it 
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Thank you LadyD - glad you enjoyed this.
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=D
You knew. I'm a vineyard peach right now,
I'm too tied to give you a lengthy review, but I couldn't pass up the chance to see this. I just wanted to say I'm very impressed, and I am looking forward to reading this through again.
And again.
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And again,
The clock in the closest, and a tea in hand I'm still stunned by your words.
where I continue to exist
still floating like an echo.
This final remark is what really got to me. Odd, but it reminded me of a story in Greek mythology of Echo and Narcissus. The entire poem seemed to contour to their encounter. Simply beautiful. I'm so glad you chose this course and that you enjoyed the song. Holly Golightly starts my day.
♥.
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Absolutely Beautiful
This is an absolutely beautiful poem and a fantastic piece of writing. I really loved this. You write such beautiful poetry and with such feeling in your words. What a beautiful memory to have to be able to produce such a beautiful poem. I wish you All Good Luck in the contest. Take care of yourself my friend. With all my love&very best wishes from Rose xxx for you xx
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Thank you Rose - glad you liked these thoughts/memories.
I hated 'settling' for very long....lol....preferred to drift...
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This is wonderful!
I floated, for awhile,
then lifted off for the clear skies of freedom,
got lost in the vastness of space
where I continue to exist
still floating like an echo.
I love the freedom and wonder of this write. It is so beautiful.
That is a gorgeous pic.
Best of luck in the contest!
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thank you Az - glad you enjoyed these thoughts.
I was looking for a different pic and saw this one - you know I love the 'cosmos' ones....lol
I was an 'echo' when I was young - wouldn't settle for very long...lol
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I really really like this
The middle stanza is by far my favorite I think you did good best to you in the contest be well
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Thank you Starz - glad you liked this.
Just some memories.....
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