Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

It's 7:00 am

Missing image



The press of clammy sardines
wait; none too patiently
to enter the tin can
rolling along the assembly line.

All aboard! Whistles blare-
    lid is snapped and sealed.

Flickers of light strobe
on each side of the can
as morning rushes by.

Not quick enough for some...

Grumble, grumble –
[Hey, don’t cause trouble!]

And in the haze of bacteria waste
    a toothy grin from a flounder,
just happy to come along for the ride.




Author notes

Picture : Improvisation by Wassily Kandinksy
and title : Improvisation of the Abstract

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • hawkeslake gold member
    January 24
    Edit | Reply
    Just brilliant, and so wonderful for the prompt. I'm glad this was recommended on Winklings, or I might have missed it. The descriptions are so on target, and the metaphor is developed skillfully, great flow to the lines, right to the end. I enjoyed this very much.


  • Lyndon gold member
    January 18

    Edit | Reply

    Abstract wonder

    Japanese train bound for Tokyo Central? Who is the Flounder? A big American visitor replete with cigar? I'll put on a mask and keep out the bugs.
    You have written very well, dear Winkler. Very well. Good luck.


    • Sandi Alford gold member
      January 18
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much Ron, your graceous thoughts mean the world to my heart!

      love and blessings, Sandi


  • morgana raven Greeters member
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I havent read anything like this before so ive read it a few times to try and get a take on it, (i love the image posted with this poem) The imagery you have used, is quite brilliant.
    Great work again.
    Laura.

    • Sandi Alford gold member
      December 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you once again for your wonderful thoughts and time spent viewing, I truly appreciate it

      I love to write in metaphors, this is of course a commuter train at 7 in the morning, at least that's what the pict told the muse

      blessings, Sandi


  • JinSays gold member
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Grumble, grumble –
    [Hey, don’t cause trouble!]


    I love this entry.
    How refreshing, how different.
    I wish you all the best.
    Love always,
    Jin

    • Sandi Alford gold member
      December 13, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Jin for your kind thoughts on this scribble, I truly appreciate it, and also for the inspiration to write something new

      Many blessings, Sandi


  • myrataal silver member
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I loved the abstraction in this poem ...

    and it is a very fresh and creative take on the prompt! I also loved how you've woven in words of emotional content -- my, but you are a brilliant soul!


    Love
    Myra


  • MargaretG
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like the parallels of sardines in a can, this was fun. The images are clear as I thought of the commuter train. Best wishes!

1 - 9 of 9