I’d be the most popular girl in school,
but I’d be equally loved and hated by everyone else.
I’d have derived my power from putting others down,
making other girls (and boys too) feel so small, so inferior, like a lump of lard.
I’d walk around like I own the place (land),
I’d jut out my bony hips and enjoy the envious gazes (glares),
I’d run up all five flights of stairs at school (home),
and jump from the rooftop, and gently float down.
I’d be invincible, I’d never die;
no one can get rid of me.
I’d live on like a parasite in anyone stupid enough
to come near me—I’d stick on like a leech…
For all my beauty, all my power,
I’m just a fake through and through.
A superficial construct, a disease of the mind.
I derive my pleasure from others’ pain, that’s all.
If I were a girl named Ana,
my best friend would be Mia, and
my sisters by the names of Ate* and Bia.
Psyche is my soul story, my last remnant of normalcy, the abyss of forgotten dreams.
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I’d be the girl who hid out from everyone at lunch,
I’d be the girl who prayed to the cold toilet on the dirty floor,
offering a sacrilegious object by the name of ‘Contents of Her Stomach’.
I’d run around the neighbourhood till I collapsed behind the dumpsters.
I’d gorge myself with sweet, sticky, fatty food,
and jab a finger down my throat before the digestive juices work its magic.
If all else fails, I’ve got my bottle of laxies,
and there’s always my shiny, pretty knife to work it.
I’d have no friends; I’d have no life.
I’d lie in my room, and listen to my hollow stomach whimper at me.
I’d curl up in a ball, and let the pain grow unbearable.
Then I’d open the window, and take that leap into the great beyond.
I’m not like Ana, I won’t flutter gently down to the asphalt.
I’m still not weightless; I can never be.
It’s not a disease of mine, it’s a disease of my mind—
I’m always going to be too fat, too ugly, too stupid…
There’s nothing I can do.
I can’t kill Ana; Ana is my life; Ana is me.
She is my psychosis, my illness, my loss-of-control.
She is me, but I’m not her—
She is thin, beautiful, smart.
She is like no one else, really. But
she thrives on fear, hatred, pain, loss,
envy and a whole host of such negatives.
I’m not her, and I wouldn’t want to be her.
I’m not perfect, but nobody’s perfect.
I’m not going to stop eating, start cutting, and throwing myself off buildings,
all for a girl, who doesn’t exist.
I’m all flesh and blood (she’s not),
I’m not skin and bones (she is),
I walk, talk, laugh, cry (she doesn’t),
I’m here (she’s not).
(She’s not; ) I’m real.
Author notes
*Ate-Goddess of foolish acts
Bia-Goddess of violence
Psyche-Goddess of the Soul
Uh, for the uninitiated, 'Ana' is a short form for anorexia nervosa disorder, whereas 'Mia' is for bulima nervosa.
Yeah, thanks for reading!
In a list
A contest entry
- POETRY PODCAST - Showcasing your work. by Thom Boulton.
700 points, ended April 1, 64 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Black Gifts and Rainbow Roses by Butterfly.Wingz.
550 points, ended May 22, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think of eating disorders taking over your life? Are they just a disease of the mind?
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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THANK YOU i was bulimic and this poem is just wonderfully descriptive of the tortures suffered when living with an eating disorder loved the picture that went hand in hand with the poem it seems that the sadness and hunger in the picture was placed into words keep writting thanks for the entry,.
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brilliant
First off.... f*ck Ana.I know exactly what that expierence is like, and it took me up until last ear to even think i was beautiful. So i hear you loud and clear sister. I live in Orange county and everyone here has their own personal "Ana" is , there are like a million Anna's. Secondly I want you to never compare yourself to this ideal 'Ana', because you are not fat ugly or stupid. You are smart enough to write out your feelings and that is what makes ou truely beautiful. Anyways as you can tell i REALLLY loved this poem and I think that you are the beautiful one and that Ana needs to go choke on a slice of cake and stop being all high and mighty and let you live your life instead. We can't be perfect you know, and as I have gotten older I grow to really like the flaws I have in myself because that's what makes me someone no one can copy. This was a very powerful write, you know it's an amazing poem when you can get people talking, well written and well said.....much <3 scars.
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Thank you so much for your kind words
Personally, I've never been diagnosed with anorexia, but I've met people with the condition, and I just... feel really bad. 
You can't imagine how happy I am whenever someone tells me that they can relate to my poetry... Thank you so much! A million thanks! (And yeah, this one kinda has an Anti-Ana message; so I'm really, really glad it could connect with you and others)
Take care, and all the best to you!
♥ Char
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I have no doubt that they're a disease. Of the mind, body. Also society.
Why it's considered "popular" to so many teen girls is beyond me. Guys don't want to lay with girls like that, not even lesbians do. It gets to a point where it's disgusting, not "perfect". I'm not the only one who thinks this. But this is also not the only opinion in the world.
This is an alright write.
Thanks for the entry, best of luck. -
wow! amazing seriously!. its quite positive aswell which is great =]
"It’s not a disease of mine, it’s a disease of my mind—
I’m always going to be too fat, too ugly, too stupid…"
-- thats so true to people with anorexia. i could relate to that so much.
"There’s nothing I can do.
I can’t kill Ana; Ana is my life; Ana is me.
She is my psychosis, my illness, my loss-of-control.
She is me, but I’m not her—"
"She is thin, beautiful, smart.
She is like no one else, really. But
she thrives on fear, hatred, pain, loss,
envy and a whole host of such negatives."
loved it!! its just so true for me them stanzas are! its like i wrote that about myself...thank you so much for entering this piece and good luck..your on my finalists list =D xx
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Thank you so much
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i love the details and love the personification....creative
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Wow. Your poem is very beautiful, deep, and powerful. I love it.
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I think you just about covered everything there and the overall effect was very powerful. I'm not usually a reader of long poems at all, but I enjoyed this one. I think it was clever how you chose the names of the characters. Thanks for entering.
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wow!
That was eloquently done. You just about summed it all up there. one fav line was : Psyche is my soul story, my last remnant of normalcy, the abyss of forgotten dreams. another fav :
I’m all flesh and blood (she’s not),
I’m not skin and bones (she is),
I walk, talk, laugh, cry (she doesn’t),
I’m here (she’s not).
(She’s not; ) I’m real.
Love love love it!
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...you make me glad I'll never have to be a teenager again...
Oh! the anxiety!
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That was extremely clever and creative using the Ana and Mia. This was a very well written poem. Very sad, but also uplifting towards the end when they realize they really don't want to be Ana. Thanks for sharing!!
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dude, that was really sad.
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You broach a difficult subject
with intelligence and sensitivity.
It's unutterably sad that young women are so constrained by society's pressures to conform to what is, for most of them, an unreachable goal.
That they could be so influenced, that women could be so put upon by their own minds to reject their own, normal bodies is an indictment of our culture's shallow preference for image over substance and its callous disregard for people's mental wellbeing.
This should be read by every woman and girl on this site.
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Thank you! That's what I hope so too
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Very Creative....
...the way you put this all together, it flows nice, and I like the metaphors you used, very clever!
Thanks for sharing, and all the best in the contest!
-Timothy aka poeticweaver~
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great poem...word that some girls don't understand. very deep...powerful piece. I like how you went from the "good" point of being popular, but without glorifing it and then the points you made afterward started to unravel and reveal an ugly picture.
great work
and good luck
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Thank you so much
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