Your baby girl died.

My voice got caught in my throat at first
I thought I’d never get caught
I don’t see how any of this
Is entirely all my fault
I know I should have been responsible
Yet I have made this mistake
I accept it’s my own doing
I just ask if we can talk now
And get this over with
Get through this
So we can move on to bright and better days

I feel so much anger towards you now
I feel so much hate
You won’t listen to me
I feel more mature
Yet I can’t tell you this
You’ll just get angry some more
Blow up more than you already want to
You want to strangle me don’t you?
Attack me and rip my flesh from my face right?
I wonder how a mother so loving at times, can feel so much hate

I wrote a letter to you
It sounded real nice
I thought it was the best letter I’d ever write
I knocked on your door
I slipped it right under
I don’t know if you read it
I wonder, I wonder

You’re not mature
For an older mother
You rely on dad to get you through
I guess I don’t mind sometimes
But it’s all that you ever do
I wish you could take care of yourself
But that’s another poem, another story

Right now we discuss my throat tightening
My hands shaking
My voice quietly asking
‘If I told you I’ve had sex, what would you say?’
I had always wondered if I could openly talk to you
Now I understand I can’t talk to you, only have dad to talk through to you
You see your answer you may not recall
Was so bald, was so uncaring, so irresponsible
I can’t stay your baby girl forever
I haven’t been a baby for quite sometime
In three months I’ll be fifteen to the exact
You looked right back at me though
With those hazel eye’s just like my own
You said simply
‘Why would you tell me? I wouldn’t have to know’

I’ve been having sex for quite some time now
Yesterday it was a close call
The condom broke
We told his mom
I knew I couldn’t tell you
Yet we had to tell dad
His mother said so
I was so scared
I knew what would happen
Now it’s happening you don’t love me
I took the after day pill, that unexpected plan B

His parents paid for it
Don’t you see how responsible they are for me?
All I ask, is to put the baby girl you raised, in the past
Accept who I am today, I’m getting birth control
Even though you say it’s bad
I’m getting it so I don’t have a baby
Wouldn’t that make you even sadder?

Maybe one day you’ll read this
You’ll only get mad
Yet I hope some of this
Some of me, some of my mind
Get’s through to you
I want you to know I love you
But in order for this to work
You have to love me to