It wasn't until yesterday that I finally looked up at the sky and didn't see our stars crossing over the shadowed night sky. The lights still reached up from the west as I drove through country roads. It wasn't until later where I noticed how empty they were. It wasn't until later that I noticed how empty my car was without you sitting in the passengers seat going on about my driving or throwing your mountain dew bottle against the airbag. Maybe hoping or praying that it'll go off. But we'll never know because my words hit a cut off point and you dissapeared into the sky you came in on.
--our stars crossed for the last time.
I. I find myself breathing in deeply as I see your face, as I hear your breath whisper 'How could you do this to me?' but nothing can compare to the way your lips whispered over my stomach while our baby was growing slowly[but you didn't know] And that's when I knew we'd never be the same again. Baby, I can still remember the way your hands felt months later when my body had given up the one beautiful thing we made together, but we'd never see. I still remember the way your lips felt on mine with pressure or not, having mine captive to yours always took my breath away.
--You simply took my breath away
II. But you recognized the pain sliding in and out of my eyes when I tried to hide the biggest thing from you. But I always knew I couldn't keep anything from you and it was inevitable that I wouldn't be able to forget you anyway. I let my hair slip into my eyes as if you wouldn't be able to see me. But I know you could see through my blond strands and into my watering eyes. I'd never loved anyone else more than I loved you at that moment but I couldn't tell you that.
--You were going to break my heart anyway.
III. I just didn't have the strength anymore to keep giving away what I didn't have for myself. And every word you screamed at me the following week only drove needles into my heart and tore us both crashing down into a fucking war zone where we both lost everything we'd ever given each other in one mistake. One night that I destroyed us in an attempt to somehow make sense of the bullshit I'd put myself through.
--Just leave the pieces when you go
IV. I find myself laying numb on my bedroom floor staring up at the fan circulating the air. The light catches the ends just right and the dust falls off the ends and tubbles over the room like snow reminding me of our winters together. We took one step closer to forever but the heat only damaged what we created as it melted and sloped down into the street to be ran over and scattered across the blanket of heartless feelings. You were too good for me and i think we both knew that someday I'd break.
--I just could't love you anymore.
V. Starting another poem with the word 'I' means that we'll never be a 'we' again. We're just an intertwined mess of people that spend more time avoiding each other than living our own lives[maybe that's only me] but everything I write is only about how adorable you look when you're smiling anyway. But you don't see how I'm feeling anymore because I can't, I won't show you. It isn't like you to turn away[but it isn't like you to care either...is it?]
--But maybe I never gave you my heart either
I've got an old shoe box in the trunk of my jeep sitting gathering the cold. It's two and a half years of my life condensed in one simple box. I don't know what to do with it, for some reason you ask me to keep it and I don't wish you away but those words left remind me of you and remembering you only hurts me and tears me apart. Someday;Somehow, we never found a way to make it alright.
--How can I tell you I love you without actually saying it?
Because I can't do this without you anymore.♥
12-08-08
Author notes
Two and a half years...now gone.
i'm always going to love him. always.
but i hurt us too much. I hurt him more than I ever thought i could hurt anyone.
Someday;somehow....I was the one who never found a way to make it alright.
honest opinion here. break this down for me.
i think about him everyday...when I want to talk someone i always want to talk to him.
i miss him but its one of the hardest things to see him.
maybe i should really just let go.
he's moved on....
i need too also.
WishMeAway--x
♥©
A contest entry
- Crying by She Stole My Voice.
400 points, ended December 19, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'm not sure. by etoile.
700 points, ended December 12, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the catharsis rounds; auditions. by aanika.
1800 points, ended February 10, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - These ruffled sheets and you are gone and I am going too. by whiterabbit..
485 points, ended June 12, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
fuck this!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I love this. It's so beautifully written.
In the first sentence, "It wasn't until yesterday that I finally looked up at the sky and didn't see our stars crossing over the shadowed night sky." it might sound better if you leave off the second "sky" so it doesn't sound repetitive. There are a few other small things like that, but they don't take away from the emotions or the feel of this so I won't bother with them.
The second paragraph of this is amazing and heartbreaking. This whole thing is amazing and heartbreaking.
Wonderful write. -
in III.
One night that I destroyed us in an attempt to
-maybe phrase it, 'One night I destroyed us...'
in V.
I've got an old shoe box in the trunk of my jeep sitting gathering the cold.
-i'd remove the sitting...maybe
but those words left remind me of you and remembering you only hurts me and tears me
-maybe remove left..it slightly disrupts the flow.
----
on a less critical note
i liked the emotion that flowed through out the piece. i didn't not once scrunch my face up in a confused way. i like the fact that this was real, true heartbroken emotion, you made me feel, you made me see. this made me understand alot of things.
thnx for entering.
♥
dani
[you're going to round 2. -
yes.
thanks for entering. -
yes.
Please wait for the other judges comment. -
This is my personal comment for the catharsis rounds.
Upon the closing of the contest, I will comment back with a 'yes' or 'no.'
That being said, I really liked this.
Your emotion stood out, and I felt your words and the pain behind them. My critiques would be that there's some grammar issues; and I feel that the line breaks surrounding the brackets were not done correctly.
"And every word you screamed at me the following the week"
is there supposed to be two 'the's in there?
Clean this up a bit, I'll be back later. -
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Thanks for commenting dear.
I cleaned up that line you pointed out as well.
Hope to hear back from you!
thanks.
Withlove♥
Molli
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this was beautiful. i honestly loved every word. this obviously must have really hurt to write, so im glad you did. i have nothing else to say, but i loved this.
thanks for entering and goodluck
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Thanks so much babe.
I'm so very happy you liked it.
and yes, it was one of the, if not the hardest poem I've ever written. It was to admit to myself that he was really gone for good. and that he left because of me and what I did. I broke his heart...it was the opposite of cliche.
Thanks so much for the honorable.
lovelove
♥
Mollie
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I don't know what to say.
This is heart breaking and beautiful.
I've missed you and your writing.
♥ -
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Thank you so much sweetie.
I'm happy you liked it.
I've missed you too. We'll have to sit down and talk one day.
♥
lovelove
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baby,
this is beautiful. your words always are.
you & chad will always fall together. always.
this isn't the end baby, you've said so many times that this one is the end and it never is, things will work themselves out.
iloveyou.
[♥...forever]
like glitter&glue♥
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Baby,
if you knew what happened you wouldn't fall back together with me. I cheated on him this time baby. theres no more going back. I'm always going to love him, but we're different now. He can hardly look at me. I can hardly bare to see him.
This really is the end.
always.
iloveyou♥
like glitter&&glue
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