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Empty, Indeed.

 


Corroded lands sighed to

haunting echoes that filled the air

                      with beeds of coal

 

Fertility ceased to exist,
as it halted the hour glass of time.

Forcefully forcing the

resultant grains to hit the Sahara
                      in winding motions

 

Handing over my weapons. I knocked on heaven's door.

 

Said,

 

"I've lost this battle, discolored life around me.

 -I am lost-
 Will you please take me in?"

 

It replied saying,

 

"Ebony is the color of nature that surrounds you

 and the cold dungeon you like to call,

 your heart..

 

 Sorry sweety,

 but we're full today!".

 


 

 

 

 

Author notes

AP Name: Alyzeh
Prompt: 6- Emptiness is the feeling of wanting yourself to feel when it won't let you.
Photo Credits: www.deviantart.com

Not empty. But empty.

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Meroza
    December 18, 2008

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    That ending, it made the evil me giggle. I adore how you took this prompt, and the twisted humor in it. This is golden in my eyes

    Well done and best of luck!


  • Azgar
    December 14, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting write, kind of sad funny


  • Scyphon
    December 11, 2008

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    This was amazing I loved the end, it was so warm and yet held such a cold bite. Sweety was comforting, but the denial was brutal. Well done, good luck in the contest. Take care


  • Cynthia Gaines gold member
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful Melancholy...

    Great imagery, wonderfully thought-provoking... What a let-down. No admission today, how awful, after throwing away the weapons. Now what?!!? Thank you for sharing your muse's creative poem with all of us, I'm wishing you the best of luck in the contest!!! Peace always, xx Cyn


  • chilali
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great take on the prompt. This will do very well in Noor's contest. I can tell. Good luck to you

    Much love
    Ylova


  • Hikari Lady
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery was a slap on the face for me who thought that I have good imagery lately. I loved how you ended it with simple words though and that you took the prompt to a farther extention with your words and imagination.
    A beautiful describtion. Well done.

    ~Noor


  • Mariana gold member
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This is brilliant. I love everything about it...the picture...your words. The second half of this poem took me by surprise...such powerful imagery!

    Bravo!

    Mariana*rose*

     


  • maralisa silver member
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aw wow what a brilliant take on the quote full of deep powerful imagery and emotions form stanza one through to the last good luck inthe contest maralisa


  • Orph
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love how casual you made the last two lines sound. Makes it clear that while getting inside is all that matters to you, the gatekeeper really couldn't care less.

    Good poem.


  • ariazephyrzoe gold member
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow!!!

    Corroded lands sighed to
    haunting echoes that filled the air

    love these powerful words, it echoed the photo so loud and clear


    Anna Lee


  • luna-midnight gold member
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aww wow... i love you and this is just powerfully emotional &hearts
    good luck and take care

1 - 11 of 11