i am but a lonely soldier
climbing over rock and bolder
with this rifle in my hand
i am a worrier in the palm of man
i look for my friends.. for their torn bodies
each of them with their own stories
how is it they want me to find
a solitary sound peice of mind
in this baron desolate wasteland
i drop my rifle from my hand
i see this dead mangled face
he extremely resembles my father but he is so out place
besides he went missing in action without a trace
i must not mourn for his loss he is gone
i must find the others my duty is to move on
A contest entry
- What does this picture mean to you? by Soft-Rain.
800 points, ended December 17, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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This is a really good write. I am a soldier in the Army, and of-course the title just caught my eye. I like what you did with it. Our job is not easy, there are a lot of sacrifices that come with it. But, somebody has to do it. Great job, and keep it up.
Spoken
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nicely written
the imagery was great the story too,,, thanks for writing and sharing
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You have an amazing talent, your work has a depth, and a strength about it, that tells me you have a natural ability, it doesn't sound forced, words live in your hearts
This is excellent, rhyme rhythm imagry its all here, in one perfect little gift
thankyou
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Promising
Keep writing you know and use words well. That is a responsibility that I believe you understand and accept. Thanks for the thoughts and words. -
iv read this before and as i read it again it is still a stunning peice of writting!!
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"bolder" is "boulder"
"peice" is "piece"
"baron" is "barren"
Lovely poem! This really is an excellent write. In places the flow is awkward, such as line 12 where it's too long, but overall it's very good. -
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thanks for all the corrections!
thanks for all the corrections i never really check over my poems before i write them down
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I really enjoyed this poem, but the flow is a bit off. The beginning started off really well, but it got a little off near the end. I suggest cutting down the longer sentences.
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ok
ok i shall try to make it flow better and if u want i can mail you the revised copy
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wow...this is a fantasic peice so full of imagery,
very well written, be very proud, it really hits the heart.x
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Wow...the moment is captured in still-frame imagery when the soldier comes across the body of the fallen man who resembles his father. What a subtle way to remind the reader that even when we are war, we stilll have that common bond...that makes us all...human.
There are a couple misspellings...
"worrier" should be "warrior"
and "baron" should be "barren"
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thanks
thank you for the kind words and thanks for telling me the true spellings i need to work on my spelling tremendously i should know how to spell those words at the age of 13 geese
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