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Lonely He'd Wander

   

Lonely, he’d wander through cowed crowd,
awaiting comprehension's rays,
with warmth, complicity endowed -
beamed circlet lighthouse dream replays.

Unused to being understood, 
deep insight into others bored,
the trees he saw, ignored not wood
nor would - for blinkers he abhorred.

Rejecting pinions, hot-air steam,
against life's gales hale see free stride,
beyond cross-purposes, hope's stream
all bridges crossed,  but few abide
beside him, worthy, as if team
teemed more in mind, for most, ghost blind,
prefer free-ride to truth they deem
a double-bind he'd leave behind.

Hope's scope endangered, disavowed,
rebuilding disappointed schemes,
he’d thread paths strange, by most unploughed -
oft scorned by, scorning, dark extremes.

Absent present, head in cloud
world windy winds while surface calm
veils strong emotions, soul unbowed,
yet ever seeking soothing balm.

Deceptive calm. His tenets try
to understand and to translate,
so all unite, so none fight shy
of fighting prejudice and hate.

Discriminating wrong from right
he’d sought to questions answers which
heed open ways enlightened, might
seed needs’ fulfillment keyed and rich.

If his ideals intense, avowed
ideas, ideals, seem seldom shared, 
all are important, though aloud
opinions harsh are rarely aired.

A sense of purpose has withstood
positions frozen - chosen door
open on mission, inner good
opposing pride and rotten core.

Ignorant idols unkowtowed,
he wanders on and wonders much
why most dream themes seem disallowed,
come at a price too few dare touch.

Against the 'current', with the stream
of light and life he'd soar serene,
is it surprising that strong gleam
stayed long unshared ?

Silence/d by Lumase.

Author notes

robi3_0857_robi3_0000 XXX_EJX


Lighthouse http://flickr.com/photos/brianmcintyre/2465169805/

Silent Crowd http://flickr.com/photos/lumase/1400770595/

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Comments

1 - 43 of 43

  • savemysoul
    2 hours ago
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    i liked the format and the write. good job and thanks for enteriing.

    -- jordan.


  • glenn shannon silver member
    October 21
    Edit | Reply
    a very deep and powerfull pen here very enjoyable read indeed thanks for joining in blessings Glenn


  • Raining Kisses silver member
    October 21
    Edit | Reply
    this is a very fine write crafted with great skill
    thankyou very much for the entry
    T


  • sinfull
    October 1

    Edit | Reply
    unsurprised by such compassion , thought
    insight level such as yours... extreme
    perhaps too oft in others aid so caight
    lose focus on acheiving one's own dream
    understanding need to give / receive
    advise the answer closer than you think
    remind take time for self to self-acheive
    may find already have that which you seek

    Find this pen to be as insightful and honest as it gets.


  • Random Renee
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    interesting....very different..not sure about thats what Im looking for or not..yet you got me thinking...and baffled lol...good write and good luck

  • OhNoChastity
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    iAhhh, this is an interesting poem. Out of all of yours you submitted, I think I enjoyed this one the most. However, I'm not sure this really captured the prompt. I can see how it would possibly apply, due to the fact this man feels as though he does not fit into society, but it's more a description of a recluse rather than a description of a separation between two people. The prompt more shows how each individual is different, and really, is this man any different from the rest of us or more willing to accept what he sees and believes? Those are questions left better somewhere else. =)

    The rhyme in this is much better than the rhyme in your others. It is much more subtle and less distraction. It also doesn't feel as scattered as the others did, with more of a form. This poem flows very nicely. I feel as though I could read it aloud without sputtering. I like reading rhyme like this, though poems with this type of rhyme are rare and few between.

    My favourite line would have to be "unused to being understood." I like this line because it describes a lot about the character. It shows him as being his own etity, as someone who does not truly fit into his surrounding peers, whoever they may be. I like this for another reason, however. This line does not just describe this one particular man, but a broader range of people. I am sure that anyone who reads this poem will relate to it in some way. Who isn't unused to being misunderstood? Isn't that all we're really looking for -- in our friends, in our lovers?

    You use a great many literary devices here. I think it's wonderful to see that in poetry, but I would suggest toning it down just a little bit. It's very obvious and obnoxious. The softer the usage, the more beautiful it is. You would not overuse nails in the construction of a building. At a certain point, it becomes unneccessary and adds nothing.

    However, I enjoyed this poem immensely and really loved reading it. Keep up the good work and I'd love to see you in more contests!

    -Je

  • Judith Chandler
    August 31

    Edit | Reply
    The person has a lack of direction, which is definitely part of alliention, though not necessarily.

    Thank you for entering my contest.


  • katie marie silver member
    August 29

    Edit | Reply
    Very unique and interesting read. It caused me to read slowly and carefully considering each stansa and the pictures painted. Definitely sensed the isolation and yet a seeming acceptance of that as an unavoidable aspect of this persons journey.


  • Jonathan ROBIN
    August 21
    Edit | Reply

    Prompt Contest (B-3) by OhNoChastity

    47. "When we were made we were set apart." -- "Degausser" by Brand New.


  • Night Hope gold member
    August 15
    Edit | Reply



  • Babesface
    August 10

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very deep poem. It has actually amazed me it is just so brilliant. It's very rare that I come across a poem of this standard, even with the amount of writers on this site! The rhyme and flow suits the entire work perfectly.

    The imagery and variety of it is amazing! The emotion is so strong... I love the use of alliteration, sibilance and asonance. You've used so many techniques and in such a wonderful way! This is by far one of my favourite entries so far, and I know I probably shouldn't say that and remain indifferent until judging, but I really really really love this piece!!

    Congratulations on a brilliant piece of work! Thanks for entering and best of luck in the contest!


  • Lauren Noir
    August 2

    Edit | Reply
    this is a beautifully layered poem, it was a banquet of a poem rather than some of the silly poems that don't really have any depth. This is beautiful, and I love finding new things in it.
    In my contest so many entried have none of the qualities here, it was so layered and beautifully written.
    Thank you very much for entering.

  • This is one of my favorites..... I'm bookmarking it.

  • hojadaro
    July 12

    Edit | Reply
    I found this so deep I nearly missed the meaning. But like looking at a magic eye picture the more I examined it the more I saw, and suddenly it became clear.

    Once I'd seen the picture painted I tried to pick out a few lines I particularly like but ended up almost cut and pasting...

    Thank you.

  • brilliant and the pix just added to it.

  • this was quite beautiful.

    I was drawn in by the pictures at first to be honest. They were very thought provoking for me. Then, came your words. They were well placed to provide quite the artistic write. Thank you for the enjoyable read!


  • Shibboleth
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    Yes... this is dashingly lovely! I am astounded. Great poem... the alliteration and rhyming is superb. The repetition is also really great, beautifully used. You obviously know what you are doing. Keep it up! Please don't deprive the world of the beauty of your writing!

  • See, there's a reason you got two gold trophies for this. It abso-fricking-lutely fantabulous! But did you forget to finish the last line, or are you still looking for the perfect way to end it? If so, it's obvious that you put a lot of work into your poetry, and I can only commend you for that!


  • redondo
    July 8

    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    i can't even describe..or explain or POSSIBLY show in any text.. how filling this was for the senses.
    fantastic

  • the rhyming in this is quite amazing. there is absolutely nothing in this which needs revising. thank you for sharing this with me today. i am hoping to read more from you in the near future. congratulations on the gold trophies that you have earned with this fabulous write of yours. keep up the great work. viyanna rosemarie


  • pranj silver member
    June 18

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely astounding content.
    Yet I felt it difficult to read it aloud, (maybe its just my problem!) but the content and the word choice is brilliant!

  • Excellent, you deserve both golds and far more than that. A great write indeedy.

  • once agian i am outstounded

    i cant belive how good some of the poetry is on this site! your poem was wonderfull- no wonder you won so many contest!

  • I really, really like this poem. However, I think this may be a case of technique over content in as much as it's very rich in assonance, similies and the like, but I think in a way this overshadows the content. Also I think sometimes you've sacrificed the snappiness of line in order to keep the rhyme scheme. Having said that, the content is still brilliant, it captures mindful isolation and the struggle of truth. It's a really good poem. How long did it take you to write?

  • I loved the visual conjured by the cowed crowd. Very vivid.

    This is the kind of poem that merits reading more than once. I have a tendency to get lost in the words, which then prompts me to go back and look for meaning. I start to reread and get a ways in before I realize I am lost in the words again.

    I actually like that effect. There are little phrases that jump out from place to place and paint a surreal scene of social interaction. I have a feeling that if I read it in another sitting with a different frame of mind it will speak a little differently to me.

    I enjoyed it. Very musical in nature

  • wow...... thats all i can say. this is an INCEDIBLE write. no seriously i loved it so much..... u've left me speechless lol. very powerful.... full of emotion... great imagry.... great flow.... perfect words.... i LOVED it!!!! =]

  • Wonderful work of Art!

    Reading this, I can tell this was written by an intelligent person. Not one word written where you did not intend it to be. Good use of metaphors, and the use of “opposites” worked very well. Here and there, I found the rhyming a bit forced, but it was not disturbing. Great use of words i.e. team and teemed. On paper they almost look similar, yet… All I have to comment as “critique” is that at times the lines did not flow seamless. Nonetheless, it was a great amazing piece of art you created here. Your writing is for the more connoisseur pallet. A style I really love…

    Poem does bring the message, even if alone you are strong, and whatever happens, you survived and will not lose hope and carry on until...

    I loved this, thank you so much for your entry!
    Lilian

  • tk1946
    March 10

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent

    Love the winding path your poem takes with all the analogies and rhyming rhythyms, No wonder you have so much applause... Tony


  • meoncloud9
    March 5
    Edit | Reply
    Good write.
    Good luck in the contest..


  • Rashida
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    This is an amazingly good write, the rhyme is incredibly complex, and you carried it well through the entire piece without loosing the general feel of the poem. An impressive job indeed.


  • Clovis...Curious silver member
    February 7

    Edit | Reply

    Superb Plus

    Ah, 'tis another fine write, my friend. Imagery; rhythm and rhyme are just fine. Thanks for sharing this with us.


  • XInsanity-FairX
    January 3

    Edit | Reply
    this is a very deep, and emotional poem, complicated yet simple. it's very well written and i liked it
    xxx
    =]


  • Siderea gold member
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Heady stuff!

    "Unused to being understood".....as a lover of classic, especially the verbally obtuse early Romantic, poetry, I can appreciate your thoughtful work here. Where the crowds pass by, ignorant and unconcerned with greatness of thought, or, perhaps, enwrapped in their own. A true poet's world view.
    Extra points for coinage--"Unkowtowed"--!
    When there's no fit word, invent one!


  • bananasfoster42
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW this is amazing!!! this is so deep but makes so much sense if u just pay attention. it flowed and rhymed nicely. my only comment is tat the last stanza didn't follow the same rhyming pattern, but other than that this was off the chain!

    • Jonathan ROBIN
      December 23, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Rhyme Schemes

      The lack of rhyme in the last rhyme is in total coherency with the text of the last line "remains unshared" ... is it surprising ?


      • bananasfoster42
        December 23, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        very interesting! i didnt think of it that way =) congrats on the gold, this was a delight to read.


  • Plastic Dreams
    December 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    To start I thoroughly enjoyed the pictures. A lighthouse looking for civilization and the "cowed crowd" shown right under. Genius.

    I wanted to point of specific lines of which caught my attention but it seems this entire piece flows throughout in a considerable motion of pleasures to reading.

    This falls to a different type of darkness of which I was looking for and well conveyed. This has definitely made its way to a finalist spot.


  • Dark Otter
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Damn!

    That's great rhyme! Good meter and complicated thought, this has my vote for gold. I envy you this fine piece.


  • janejainejayne gold member
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Bravo!

    Dear Jonathan,
    I'm here trying to catch up on reading poetry at AP
    and not making too many comments...and then here
    you are... and I am left speechless!
    This is brilliant!
    Jane


  • French Tries
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a terribly sad and beautiful poem at the same time. I wouldn't say it is thought provoking, since it sounds too much true to be interprated in that way. About your last stanza, yes, this is surprising.


  • Rachel Kruger
    December 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Your poem flows nicely and is exceptionally thought provoking. The 1st stanza is the best - good play with words. The rhythm and rhyme is well done throughout this masterpiece!

    Best of luck with the contest.

    Rachel.


  • lunarlunacy
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    MInd if I add this one to a fav. list Mr. Robin? Much thought and contemplation obviously was poured into this one. Each line masterfully worded with purpose.


  • Bella Cullen
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i said no more than 50 lines. but this is really good and i will accept it. because it is good and because it is only 9 lines above what i said. good luck in the contest.

    "Lonely, he’d wander through cowed crowd,
    awaiting comprehension's rays,
    with warmth, complicity endowed -
    beamed circlet lighthouse dream replays."

1 - 43 of 43