my screams in the night cannot be heard,
i am screaming louder to every heart beat.
the blood drips from my wounds,
and creates a pool of hatred.
thorns catch my skin,
and start to tear it away.
the blood red nightmares,
are coming true,
and there's nothing i can do about it.
you dying is what i fear.
i'd hold you close,
if only you'd let me.
i hear your soft voice,
and i am screaming,
you still cannot hear me.
i needed you to stitch my wounds,
but you wouldn't come.
my tears of ash drip down my face,
and burn my snow white skin,
leaving dark marks on my cheeks.
you changed me,
and now you're leaving me here to hang.
i will stand in fight,
but i won't let you forget,
it's all because of you...
Author notes
;o this poem was a little odd... I'm not sure why i made it, i just did ^.^... Hope you liked e.o... (and yes i spell checked but i think there still might be something miss-spelled)
and it will finally be over...
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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wow, amazing, and you're 12? i'm very impressed i wish i could right something that raw
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I want to know why you are feeling this way. I think that the event needs to be hinted at. Just one line so that readers have clarity as to what is going on.
The emotion you are trying convey came across very well. I liked that this poem was so emotionally driven.
my tears of ash drip down my face,
and burn my snow white skin,
leaving dark marks on my cheeks.
you changed me,
and now you're leaving me here to hang.
I like the above lines. My only problem is that "now you're leaving me here to hang" is cliched. I think that the image is over used and doesn't give power and emphasis to the emotion that is being conveyed by the rest of the poem. I think that rewording and reworking that line would give more to your poem.
I honestly think that the last three lines can be cut out. They are implied and thus not needed.
Sorry if I am sounding harsh. I'm not trying to. I am just giving you my opinion of what I think will work well with this poem. After all we are all on this site to get useful feedback not just praise.
-Dani -
wow. i like it. leaves me kind of speachless.
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the first part of the poem gave the reader a lot of images of the color red, besides the fact the type is red. is that what you were going for? or just feeling? then later, which is the part i really liked, you gave me the imagery of dark stains, and the contrast of pure white. then you used the line 'you changed me", gave me the idea you have been marked,....i don't know if that's the word i'm looking for, maybe been tainted for life. i thought that part was cool. as far as any spelling errors. you wrote "stand in fight" maybe you meant "stand and fight". the spell check on this thing sucks, it has no grammar check. but i would give it a 7 out of 10
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holy shist!
holy crap i love this poem it is fucking awesome i can realate to it exactlly its fucking great!!! write more like this and i will totally read it!!
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woah!
thats really good i loved it
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