Coldness enters the room,
As I go for the cut
Press the knife down
The sound of my screams Shakes the cold empty place I'm in
All around me it echos.
Slash goes the knife
Bang I'm bought back From screaming,
I think the pain is calming down now..
The little droplets of blood
scattered everywhere,
Dark and fresh,
On my diary pages
I use my blood as Ink,
To write and write..
I feel good now,
Even though I Know That I'm going through a habbit
Which only I can stop..
Tomorrow will be the same
Living a life of fear and shame
Playing a game That continues to go on for me.
There is no end.
Author notes
"Broken Heart."
A contest entry
- prewrites by Melissa Gayle.
800 points, ended December 10, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Ages 14 and under: YOUR FAVORITE PREWRITE by Sky Prince Ireland.
800 points, ended December 15, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give me more! by ASmileForYou.
700 points, ended January 7, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PAIN... by Violent Glass.
570 points, ended March 16, 79 entries
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900 points, ended March 31, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please comment, what did you like about this poem?
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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wow
i like it, good job i felt so much emotion
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wow, i've said this before...it does not have to rhyme to be good. this is great and so emotional. i love everything i've read by you.
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ummm ok so now very much rhyme like how i was requiring...i think the only words that rhymed were shame and same...its a good poem and close enough to what I wanted in the AN lol. thanks for entering.
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Such strong emotions! I enjoyed reading this poem. Thanks for entering!
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i liked this poem very much in a way i can relate to you abd how u feel. but life goes on. i hope to read more from you.
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wow. sad but really good.
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Nice write, ur thoughts came across clearly...
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great write hun, i can so relate to this xxx keep it up x
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wow i know exactly how that is
i still cut and its been about a year and a half now
scary. but you can talk to me. ive been through about everything. and its said check out my poems. keep up the good writes
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this was very good...i can totally relate...im kind of still a cutter...but not really bc i go and talk to my gf and she makes everything better...but i understand...
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umm... wow. I'm not sure I know what to say... I know several people who have been here... but I agree... a bit more imagery might help.
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Yeow!!!! Painful!!!!
Anyway thanks for entering.
Good luck.
Brian -
was good you should read my poem those who know kind of counters a poemlike this
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WOW!!!
that poem is incredible. i can really relate to the hurt and anguish of it. i really love it
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While the subject matter is not at all my cup of tea -
I think you are telling more than showing - it needs a bit more imagery within the piece. If you want to write about the cutting, than I would make it something that no one has read before.
I am sorry that you feel this way. -
cutting is a very addicting and dangerous road, I have been there. I also understand that sometimes it does not ever end unless one is willing for it to...tis good though
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very beautiful poem...i used to cut and undestand the darkness, shame and feeling of never ending that cutting gives...but there is an end point usually when you hit your rockbottom so as the world appears hopeless and that cutting is neverending, know that there is an end to the tunnel, you just have to find the strength to see the light and walk into it
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nice..
i understand
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wow..your words make it very easy for the reader to get an understanding of what you're going through... amazing write :-)
Tomorrow will be the same
Living a life of fear and shame
Playing a game That continues to go on for me.
There is no end.
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This poem is amazing. Filled with emotion.
"Press the knife down
The sound of my screams shakes the cold empty place I'm in
All around me it echos."
Very heart shaking lines.
Simply brilliant -
Been down this road
writing helps the pain. putting words to the feelings occupies your mind so much sometimes it stops the cutting. to express yourself and also to get a hold of what's going on in your life is easiest through cutting, but more fruitful through words. -
I like it, though the stanzas are a little irregular for my taste.
Just a little spelling comment: habbit should be "habit".
I like how the ending rhymes
Those two lines "tomorrow will be the same; living a life of fear and shame". I think you shoulda sorta continued that throughout ALL of the poem, because it seems kinda odd at the end there.
Also, try elaborate on images. It's very basic. I think you could take this very far...make people shiver, and not just from the poem topic.
And concerning the topic, I do hope this isn't personal...been there, done that, and if you ever need a listening ear (or...eyes?), I'm free to message
I'm not quite as crazy as I appear =]...I think =/ -
I like it, but I hope it isn't personal. It's true, from past experiance, it is something only you can stop. It helps to talk sometimes so im here to listen if you want
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Wow. This is a very dark poem. Very well done
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What's this ? you're making me want to cry... please dont do this and ever think of doing that, OK ?... i'm here if you wanna talk...
cheer up friend
Shuberth
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