The blossoms follow through with a routine spring awakening
stretching toward the sun, seeking radiance in enlightenment
graced by the pieces of warmth that trickle down through air,
but never exposed, never close enough to feel the core of the glowing orb.
Perennial plants attempting each return with a brighter color
yearning for the light to descend; leaning closer to the earth,
but what naive foliage to expect the burning star
willing or even capable of quitting its luminous throne in the universal blackness.
Spring never lasts as long as we'd like it to
Summer merges from the flourish to the decay
Autumn presents the crisp reminder that time is running out
as Winter encloses the earth in a sheet of overcast frost.
Author notes
not finished yet, but decided to post anyway
How do you relate to the subtext?
Comments
-
Funny. It was the 'pieces of warmth' that grabbed my attention. I like the moments of abstraction, though I suppose most would recommend concreteness. Anyway, the theme of sparsity, longing, and endings is heavy, meaning it is a darkness in contrast most especially to your background.
However, I like the intensity of your language & the exploration of themes in nature, the cycle & what exactly it is getting at. For me, I think something beyond death, beyond the ending is the ultimate purpose, but we all have our own ideas on this kind of thing, don't we?
-
i would like to thank you for sharing this good write with me today. i am very much looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. viyanna rosemarie
-
You have some very good stuff going on in this, but it feels a bit too wordy. Stephen Mallarme
said that "It is the job of poetry to clean up our word-clogged reality by creating silences around things." So, my first suggestion would be to start cutting words, for example:
Blossoms wake [and]
stretch toward the sun,
seeking radiance in enlightenment
When you tighten up the poem by cutting out all the superfluous words, you end up with much stronger imagery.
graced by the pieces of warmth that trickle down through air,
What are pieces of warmth? I think you may be able to work a more solid image in there.
Adding your comment:
