she walks though the night thinking,
wondering what to do,
how she can fix something so totally outta her control,
she loves him.
but does he love her,
he cheats,
he lies,
and sadly she believe every last word,
realizing that there is no such thing as happy,
she cries,
praying that he would come back,
whispering sweet words,
that would fill her with joy,
she waits,
but nothing happens,
her life is slowly draining away,
what can she do,
so she puts a fake smile on her face and hopes no one see though it,
her thoughts take her to revenge,
"what should i do?" she wonders to herself,
"how can i make him pay for all the pain?",
she finds an idea,
for once she smiles thinking,
Finally its my time,
she looks out to the houses,
looking exactfly for his,
she sneaks out,
he's waiting,
sleeping on the porch,
can she do it,
get the revenge she wants,
she thinks,
i love him so but nothing can ever be the same.
Author notes
megan
A contest entry
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700 points, ended December 12, 2008, 22 entries
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• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
i was upset.
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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wow I like it. it is a love poem and yet a dark write. I understand what it feels like to love someone so much but hate them all at the same time. Great write keep up to awsome work.
~*TONYA*~
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wow
i can really relate. GREAT JOB!
but I would make some of those lines shorter so that the flow isn't disrupted and so the reader isn't momentarily pulled out of the magic of your poem.
9 out of 10! EXCELLENT!
-Chocolate
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"she loves him.
but does he love her,
he cheats,
he lies,
and sadly she believe every last word,
realizing that there is no such thing as happy,
she cries,
praying that he would come back,"
that part made me cringe, partly because I've felt like that, and partly because there are so many girls going to sleep in pain because they feel this way. With every line I was kept...entertained, for a lack of better world. nice write.
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Wow this was emotional, I enjoyed reading this. Strong feelings flowing in and out of this nicely written piece. You can go too round 2. So keep up the amazing work. Thanks for entering and best of luck too you in Round 2!
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This was really well written and very moving.I am sure that people can relate to this. Thanks so much for entering and best of luck to you in the contest.
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i can really sense the emotion you wrote with. this is a sad story, but i liked it. the background kind of hurts my eyes though, so i would consider changing it. otherwise nice poem.
thanks for entering and goodluck
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Very nice write.
EMotion is present as it semms.
Made me remember my previous relationships.
Keeps me on the edge.
The way you ended it,
man I wanted to know what happened
"he's waiting,
sleeping on the porch,
can she do it,
get the revenge she wants,
she thinks,
i love him so but nothing can ever be the same."
but I guess we'll neva know.
^^
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Very nice. I like the explanation!
"I was upset." Tehe.
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"Wispering" should be "Whispering"
"Crys" should be "Cries"
"though" should be "through"
The poem is awesome. I love the tone of revenge in the speakers voice. Very nice. I think you did a great job x x
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keeps you on the edge, does she, doesnt she? i like it, id re check for a few spelling mistakes in it though. well done, good luck with contest
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