I miss him
nothing poetic about that
Wish he were here
instead of me
how is that for pure honesty
I would rather him exist suffering
in his pain and exhaustion and
faded shell of a life
then to have to deal with the abysmal
state of my own
how's that for love
seventeen days until his birthday
thirty-four days since the year anniversary
of his death
which am I to recognize
I will never hear his voice again
only one picture to see his smile
and I care why
how many years did I spend hating him
and I choose to love him now
how is that for hypocrisy
It's still unreal
and I am still forced to feel
this empty hollowness
so many questions unanswered
because I was too stubborn to ask
so is it his fault that I am doomed
forever doomed
to walk in his shadow
At the family viewing before the funereal
I leaned over and kissed his forehead
to say goodbye
cold, hard, fake
my last touch of my father
how is that for stupidity
his life caused me pain
his death causes me pain
and now I can't even hate him for it
one year and thirty four days
seventeen before he would have been 52
he exists now only inside of me
and I remain confused as to what he was
how is that for misguided
shall I go visit him and sit
at the knee of his headstone reading
"Love knows no boundaries"
and ask questions he can't answer
and seek peace he can't offer
cast blame he is beyond accepting
and indulge in a pointless rage I am beyond
expressing
I miss
him
and the complete absence of his presence
the totality of death
his death
astounds me
and all I can think is
how is that for reality...
JayLynn
Copyright 2004 All Rights Reserved
Author notes
The sins of the father...
#5
Written February 7th, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Several Topics to Choose by semperfichic.
400 points, ended February 15, 2004, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
great
awwww this is such a sad and tragic piece, i can feel your emotions in your words this is a great write thanks for entering
-
I am glad that it has touched you with all your many hats As far as God and my answers at the moment he is holding out though I am sure it is with good reason.
PS
My father inspires many conflicting emotions within me but I don't know that he abused me. I guess it depends on what context you view the word "abuse." That mere suggestion of contexts has my mind off and pondering now so I must go. Thank you again for your words...
~JayLynn
Edited on Feb 07, 5:10 p.m. because ''. -
Speaking as an editor, this is quite eloquent in its delivery; speaking as a counselor, you have revealed all the conflicting emotions we experience when abused by a parent who never learned, then died leaving us with a million questions and one more. EXCELLENT! Still, as a child of God, I can say that God does have the answers to all those questions: justly so, for He is all, in all and see all. Well, that covered three of my hats. LOL! ~~BonnieQ
-
This is amazing. I cried. My Dad is ill and I don't wanna lose him. I'm sorry about what you are going through. You have my thoughts. I loved the way the poem was written. It conveys all of the feelings to the reader.
~Epiphany
-
Okay, do Not let this out...
A 'poem' has made me cry!
I want to say how fantastic I feel on this work, yet want to come back after I swallow this lump in my soul... throat -
Hmmm very good. This is the second piece I have read on the death of a father today. I must say I am quite lucky to still have my father with me though we hardly talk and the relationship we do have is quite distant. It makes me feel as if I should get to know him better in this life, reconcile all the bad blood between us and know him better. I know from your piece even when the relationships in familys arn't perfect they still affect you when you can't validated them when they are gone. Poetry allows him to see how you are feeling even if you do not believe it, the dead are with us always, you can tell him how you feel. Keep reaching out and keep taking in. Peace, Amber.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
2 old applause
