i.
It's early August.
She stares at him through the narrow salad-nacho window, boldly defying the stainless steel boundary intended to separate the cooks from the waitresses. The bow in her hair makes her appear innocent and vulnerable. The way she is looking at him suggests otherwise.
His screen is full of late tickets, but he can only ignore her for so long.
'What?'
She rests her chin on her hand. 'Nothing. Just enjoying the view.'
The tips of his ears turn a bit red. She leans in over the counter, clearly enjoying the power she has over him.
'Do I make you nervous?'
His blue eyes flicker down to where the apron is tied around her narrow waist. 'A little.'
She smiles. 'Good.'
ii.
They are in the backseat of a mustang. He is no longer nervous. She wishes that he would promise to never regret her.
He just wishes that the seatbelt would stop digging into his back.
iii.
It is late October. The leaves are changing, and so are they. One night, as she lays on his chest, she is startled to realize that she can feel both of their hearts beating in perfect time. She wants to tell him, but she's afraid that he'll think her obsessive for noticing such a thing. When he speaks, she almost thinks he's going to prove her wrong.
But he just asks, 'Can I keep your shirt?'
Now it's her turn to blush. 'Why?'
'One time, when I was younger, this girl that I liked left her shirt at my house. I slept with it, and every time I smelled it, I thought of her.'
She picks up her t-shirt off the car seat and hands it to him. 'Will you really sleep with it?'
'Yes.'
For some reason, she really believes him.
Later, after he gets out of the car, she notices the shirt, wadded up on the floor. She wants to chase after him and give it back, but suddenly, she's afraid that he may have left it on purpose.
He never did like the scent of vanilla.
iv.
It becomes a ritual. Every night after work, they sit and talk for hours. He tells her things he's never told anyone else. Sometimes when he talks, she's afraid she'll ruin his perfection by opening her mouth. But one night, she risks it anyways.
'Can I keep you?'
It was a line she'd heard in a movie once, that for some reason struck her as remarkably romantic.
'That depends.' She lets out her breath as he moves in close to her neck, lowering his voice. 'For how long?'
She is too scared to say what she's really thinking, so instead, she just squeezes his hand.
He looks her in the eye. 'How does forever sound?'
v.
A few nights later, they drink together for the first time. It won't be the last. For some reason, she decides it's a good idea to tell him that she loves him.
He freezes.
'I haven't said 'I love you' to anyone for the last six years, other than my son.'
She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.
'It's ok. my feelings for you aren't dependent on yours for me.'
The next day, she apologizes for telling him that she loved him. She swears it was only the beer talking.
She's never been a very good liar.
vi.
It is December. She is shivering, holding the covers over her head and a cell phone close to her ear.
She says,'Of course I still want to be your friend. Friendship, even without love, is something wonderful.' She struggles to keep the emotion out of her tone. 'On the other hand, love without friendship is dead. It's not love at all.'
She hangs up the phone.
And cries. And cries.
And cries.
vii.
These days, she'd rather be at work than at home. She tells herself it has nothing to do with her when he posts MySpace bulletins with titles like 'Without You, I Live it Up a Little More Every Day.' She lives for their daily hug, when she can breathe in his scent and remember the way things were, once. His presence takes her to heights she's never reached, even while doing whippets in college.
Sometimes though, she holds him a little too long. Today is one of those days. He looks at her as if he has no clue that her heart is completely and utterly his.
Maybe he really doesn't.
'Are you ok?'
She stiffens for a second, then smiles. But it doesn't reach her eyes.
'Of course.'
He stands there in dishland for a few moments, wondering.
She's never been a very good liar.
Author notes
I chose a prose piece i wrote about losing the man I loved.
my longest "poem" ever.
AP name TabbyJoy
In a list
A contest entry
- read the rules, then WRITE! :) by etoile.
700 points, ended December 12, 2008, 30 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prose. by aanika.
1750 points, ended December 29, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lukewarm Coffee by Papers.
1200 points, ended February 23, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I'll Have To Warn You; This Is Going To Hurt, Really Hurt. by SarahEatsAirplane.
1750 points, ended March 21, 69 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prose. by swim.x.
700 points, ended April 2, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ROUNDS!!! Enter your BEST prewrite! by pinksnowboots.
700 points, ended May 12, 35 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prose by HereComesTheSun.
950 points, ended May 26, 51 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 27 of 27
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this has quite a trophy case and all i can say is well deserved. thanks for entering. really thank you
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So great. I loved it!
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THIS IS AWESOME!!!!
AMAZING!!!! so glad to have crossed paths with this type of talent,,,, ,,,,never really read anything that made me feel the way this did,,, EMOTIONS varying from envy, to hopefull, from hopeless to broken hearted,,,lol,,, really enjoyed it,,, THANKS AGAIN FOR SHARING YOUR TALENT WITH US.
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This is another good piece. I have a myspace. We could be friends on both...lol.
www.myspace.com\kwells213
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This was great, simply great. And the title was perfect. Simply great. celtic queen
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Whoaaa. I really can't tell you how hard this hit home. I've been in this position before, and I can totally relate. If you need anyone to talk to, you know I'm here, kay?
Good luck in the contest.
Chin up,
Swim.x
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beautiful and sad. a great modern love story
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Thank you
I have lived this as well and although myspace was not even a thought when I lived this, this poem speaks to me so much. So many times she is asking him if there is a problem and he is blowing it off. My favorite line is ...It becomes a ritual... it seems like it always does become ritualistic.. any relationship I have had. This is a greatly written very sad story. I said thank you because now i know it has not only happened to me.
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This was really interesting and very well written. I was connected to the piece as I read. Great job.
-deadly -
very realistic
i love how you've chosen to be straight forward w/ this piece. i am a server myself, so i also enjoyed the environment you wrote from. (matter of fact i met my husband while working w/him @ macaroni grill.) it's odd that sometimes the object of our affection can be so completely oblivious to our longing. you were so very true to humanity here. good luck w/the contest!!
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this is incredibly sad. :\ i loved every line of it. the prose was a great way to write this piece.
finalist.
great job.
good luck. -
Sure was long! But it was sweet. I really felt connected to this piece. It told a great story with heartful words. The ending sounds a lot like something I've gone through before, I guess that's why I enjoyed it so much. Thank you for entering this, keep up the great work!
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I like the whole thing, but I love the first section the most. The innocent bow and the not-so-innocent look in her eyes was a nice touch.
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wow this was longgg.
ii.
They are in the backseat of a mustang. He is no longer nervous. She wishes that he would promise to never regret her.
He just wishes that the seatbelt would stop digging into his back.
--
oh.
wow.
He looks her in the eye. 'How does forever sound?'
i love this.
so much.
it's beautiful. -
I liked this a lot. you kept my attention throughout and the story was actually wonderful. the title really fits this piece, because it goes back and forth a lot, and at times it was kind of confusing. overall this was wonderful, stanza iii. is my favourite. you are a very talented writer.
thanks for entering and goodluck
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She says,'Of course I still want to be your friend. Friendship without love is still something wonderful.' She struggles to keep the emotion out of her tone. 'On the other hand, love without friendship is dead. It's not love at all.'
this is so very true. this pice hits me very hard. thank you so much for entering this pice.
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This is such a sad story... =[ I love how you broke it up and wrote it though. VI was my favorite chapter, the line in it about friendship and love was really wonderful and also true. ♥ This story broke my heart... the poor woman
GREAT job
diggin it majorly
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I cried. I can't say anything else. Its so beautiful that I couldn't keep from it. It really makes me think. Keep it up!
♥ Lillie ♥
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Jesus!!!!!! I wanted to break down with her and cry my eyes out! This is heartbreakingly sad! I am glad you asked me to read this one... This piece brought out so many emotions! I am truly shocked that your writing has this much of an effect on me, Usually I dont get wrapped up in someones writing like this... but I am hooked! Wonderful job! You paid exquisite attention to detail on this, the flow is simply awesome! Bravo!
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this is so sad....
you really managed to capture the feelings.
not just hers, but somehow his too.
way to go ^_^
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Saaad.
But honestly, quite nice. In it's quality, I love the style and format. I'm tempted to try one, but I feel like I wouldn't do a story justice like this.
It's so relatable though. Three cheers, for sure.
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...It's ok.
My feelings for you aren't dependent on yours for me...
That is such a pure and beautiful line.
It shows such immeasurable love..
so honest.....it says...i will love you now because i do..regardless of your deepest thoughts...
I will go on loving you long after you have forgotten me..
The way you set this up was brilliant.
I felt as though i was seated in a grand theater and the first act was to begin.
Superb story telling..each part presented as an act.
The sweet lass who really cant hide her love....
the surface attention given by the lad makes little difference...never returning the ..I love you... even in his inebriated state...
he is oblivious...or wants her to think so....he seems to want to take her just as far as he wants to go....never giving her what she really wants to hear.
She is in heaven just by his presence.
This was an epic story of tug of war....
it was done so well that I felt like the third party observing it all.....
which is what a great writer does.
She knows that her lies can be seen through...
she knows that he can hear what she really means...
she knows he can read between the lines...
but he will go on pretending he does not see...or hear...
the great love she has for him.
This is perfection...its all in the game that's known as love....even when it's not returned with the beauty that she wants...she will balance it by giving more.
You have reached new heights with this lass ..
perhaps your masterpiece....
it's all in the game.
So much love to you gypsy,
Lowell
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You are far too kind...but this piece is a deeply personal one. I hung on every word of your comment. You've honored me by understanding my feelings so completely. Thanks, Lowell.
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Excellent!
You worded this in a way that compelled me to continue reading. There was a great feel for the two characters & the story progressed seamlessly. Thank you for sharing & g'luck in the contest
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this is really really good so real omg really good even though it doesnt ryhme it tottaly awesome
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this is very good i enjoyed reading it. its so full of emotion it is really good
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omg outstanding
this is absolutly fantastic, what an amazing write, i have not read anything like this on here and i adore it!! it is so full of emotion, sad and so much imagery,
"she's afraid she'll ruin perfection if she opens her mouth" i really like this line kinda reminds me of past times lol,
well done and the very best of luck with the contest!!
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