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365 Days

The world has lost all spherical shape
spinning flat-leafed and rain slicked
and lost in the daze of nonsensical winds,
and, bearing too much weight
caught on surfaces of chanced indecision,
following the scattered pattern that is none.

Author notes

Took a long time away from poetry it feels like. Now I don't know what I'm doing with it anymore.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • 245Trioxin
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That's likely how abstract began in the first place. a muse from nothing of nothing... come to think of it, that might also be where 'amusing' comes from, lol.

    I enjoyed it's irregularity.


  • tragicallyGifted
    December 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nonsensical seems a bit overdone before winds. Also, the subsequent line:

    "and lost in the daze of nonsensical winds,
    and, bearing too much weight"

    would probably be better written as:

    "and lost in the daze of winds
    bearing too much weight"

    "caught on surfaces" could probably sound better with "caught on the surface".


    That's about as constructive as I can give. I like the concept, though.