Towered over the countryside;
stood mighty palace once derived
from mountaintop; almost alive,
envy of all the land.
Beauty conveying such granduer
like none had ever seen afore.
Inhabitants all loving, pure,
singing hand in hand.
Turrets spiralled to the sky,
as glaciers, but twice as high.
Moments before oncoming nigh
t'would glitter with golden light.
Emblazing in the awesome halls,
reflecting from the many walls;
its luminescence never falls
'to the fading dregs of night.
Overlooking mountains, valleys,
with its many quads and galleys,
abundance of windows untallied;
stood casa magnificence.
Fortess seemed sturdy, stable, strong,
as though but nothing could go wrong,
wrought with laughter, joy and song,
absent of all pretense.
Until one day, a crack appeared
in crystal wall once so revered.
Revealed the truth in what they'd feared:
how much pressure could it take?
Suddenly the clouds grew dark
the palace birds began to bark
the atmosphere turned grim and stark,
silence fell to watch it break.
Three long days fortress held fast,
those in anticipation gasped
as on the third day now at last
the crevasse shattered one whole wall.
And of course that's all it took,
every hall within it shook,
the last lights faded as we looked
and watched it slowly fall.
Enourmous crystalline tears
cascaded down for many years
still some wait for it to clear
the downpour of a broken heart.
The shattered crystal fortress stands
still towers o'er ancient lands
being rebuilt by two mere hands
but at least it is a start.
Author notes
Emotional overload... only metaphors can save me now...
How Do You Like My Soul? --- Critical Review
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This was brilliant! I love poetry that is unique and new, something fresh. I've heard countless poems about nature and love, and while those topics are worthy, nothing beats a good original story! I like the rhyme scheme you used. Throughout the poem the crystal tower remains the sole focus, and your words build it up as you write. And then tear it down! That was a surprise, and rather upsetting. A powerful part of the poem as well though. And the twist in the last two lines-- love it! You mention that this is a metaphor. Wow, it's a powerful one, although nothing in the poem alludes to what it may be other than "the downpour of a broken heart" (great line by the way).
Some lines that may need reworking:
"abundance of windows untallied;" The cadence bounces around, making it lose flow a little bit.
"Fortess seemed sturdy, stable, strong," Great alliteration. I think "The Fortress" would sound clearer.
"the palace birds began to bark" Again, great alliteration. Love this whole scene.
"Three long days fortress held fast," Again, "The fortress" might sound better, since in this case "fortress" is not a proper name.
Peace, ~Keys
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This is beauty in words. I can see the palace shining upon the hillside, whole and lovely. I can feel the inensity with which the villagers watch the first crack and the sorrow as it splits and sends the walls crashing to the land below. Stark reality painted in beautiful words.
Yet with the fall, there still lies hope. Two hands alone working to rebuild, not giving up the dream.
I don't know if the shape was intentional but it's lovely to look at too. The rhyme flows beautifully from one stanza to the next. No fits of stop and start. Smooth and poetic.
Very well written and a joy to read! Thanks for sharing this. You have a really awesome grasp on fantasy.
whyspr
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Thnkyou my lovely
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that is a very beautiful, very emotional poem, i enjoyed it immensly
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Nice storytelling here; sophisticated rhyme scheme.
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