will you stand alone?
and the day's expired,
look to the side of the road--
finish the drive, retired
to bed and what i crave.
niceties aside, lay beside
the aside i've played
along the line of shied
away. promise to stay
awhile in the line of fire,
and as of late say
i am in shadowy mire.
i will lay in your wake,
with the choices i make.
the stance of your smile
makes me spiral and i say --
the sun's gone down.
with a frown, i walk away.
oh, but you'd never know it.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Nice effect.
Spiraling downward, yes, I agree.
Im loving the end of this poem too.
Really nice.
I wish you all the best in this contest.
Love,
Jin -
I like the cadence, rhythm, and flow of this poem. It has a downward-spiraling beauty - like a leaf, slowly. Sunset fits the tone perfectly. The internal rhymes work, though they alter the otherwise gentle quality of the work, being a bit heavier. A good write!
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