twenty-three minutes after midnight,
I'm spinning on a playground carousel that's seen fourteen times the years
that you and I saw together.
maybe these countless revolutions will whirl away my thoughts of you,
and maybe, the snowflakes that melt into my skin
(like your fingertips used to)
will thaw my polar heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
the pages of my mind's album
(labeled 'you' with a binding damaged by too much use)
hold images where the details,
just like the paint the color of sun-bleached leaves
on the metal handlebars,
chip away a bit more with every other go-round.
the last to fade will be the nights
when your snow-globe eyes swirled
in the minuscule hours of morning
after we'd shaken each other to the core.
they're shattered now,
with their glittery flurries of false promises
and viscous liquid morphine as clear as summer skies
still circulating through my veins
weeks after you last did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
eventually the revolutions lengthen,
and I'm still reeling from the rotations and recollections,
stumbling back to a one key apartment
through piles of good intentions and futures lost,
and crashing through the space you filled
to flip through the pages again,
just once more.
Author notes
this isn't written in my typical style, but I thought I'd branch out. hope you enjoyed reading it.
- shadowlyn infinitas
A contest entry
- I'm not sure. by etoile.
700 points, ended December 12, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Thoughts? Suggestions? Anything.
Comments
-
very pretty imagery.
my only issue would be that this isn't quite as prose-like as I was looking for.
thanks for entering! -
i really like this, especially the first part. the iamgery was beautiful and i liked the way this was written. great poem.
thanks for entering and goodluck
-
I like the similes & metaphors you used. Especially the lines :
maybe, these countless revolutions will whirl away my thoughts of you,
and maybe, the snowflakes that melt into my skin
(like your fingertips used to do)
will thaw my polar heart.
Very clever use of words. For a first time using this style I think you really hit the nail of the head.
Oh, and I appreciate the helpful comment on my poem
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