almost silence in the perfect building
72-degree no-whisper carpet in the hallway wide
as a fairway without bird
or wind or bee
if a tree
fell and nobody thought thunder
would the sprinkler go off?
black marble twenty feet
above the poolwater
wrinkle in the pink of a shrimp
intimacy allowed by the sea
of otherness - beauty exists everywhere only
to sell shit
ceiling fan greased quiet as a knee
electric murmur of tree lights on
off
on
off
the soft fizz of distant champagne
on
a wing
off
A contest entry
- Imagine The Green Is Red by polly filla.
700 points, ended December 9, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
Congradulations on the silver
stunning liver in a very rural area. and we have had three fine days in a row in June, almost scary, all the pastures that could be have been mowed, the smell of new mown hay fills the air, and giant marshmallow dot the fields. I was late for a meeting riding happily along after an ageless tractor pulling a wagon filled with rolls of hay, and two happy boys riding like kings on top of the bales, this was a lovely write and sorry I drifted off, I have been thinking a new mown hay write since yesterday
again loved the write
Annie
-
this reads like the intro' for a play...I can't remember the term for it, but it effectively sets the scene
-
Just cause that black marble twenty feet segment really drew me in -- more than what you have first now.
but hell that's just me.
i love the pinkness there -- it becomes very decadent.
-
mmm .mmmm. mmmm.
black marble twenty feet
above the poolwater
wrinkle in the pink of a shrimp
intimacy allowed by the sea
of otherness --
almost silence in the perfect building
72-degree no-whisper carpet in the hallway wide
as a fairway without bird
or wind or bee
beauty exists everywhere only
to sell shit
if a tree
fell and nobody thought thunder
would the sprinkler go off?
ceiling fan greased quiet as a knee
electric murmur of tree lights on
off \ on /off (<----- or something there)
the soft fizz of distant champagne
on
a wing
off
-
I spent Christtmas in a hotel room once.
well, actually it was the white tree in the lobby that went off
on
off
on
I got too depressed to watch it any more
and went back to my room where the bathroom tap went
off
on
off
on
much the same thing
merry xmas to you ed
-
finely detailed imagery, a signature of great writing and a signature of yours...
superb
al
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soft bubbles on a wet mouth.. damn this is fine writing ed. you seem to be on a roll right now, which is always good to read
bloody marvelous work
-
one of your best
slurp
-
- excellent
-
This is fantastic.
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