Heaven Closed the Doors

I was once the ideal image,
of what you’d desire your child would be
With worthy grades, and a striking smile,
whenever I believed in me.

I was raised by my great grandmother,
in a exquisite home and flawless tone
I was definite that I’d be just fine,
because she promised to stay, until I was fully grown.

I had numerous friends, who cared for me,
hearts open and strong
Friends that would give me the shirt off their backs,
to help me get along.

So as you see, I lived the life,
and each day I awoken pleased
If I had troubles of any sort,
they’d quickly be at ease

I had a amazing boyfriend, who’s words
could make me mesmerized
I loved him, more then I loved myself,
and I saw the world in his eyes.

Yet time passes, and you age,
rather you accept that fact or not
And as time passed, all the good in life,
I slowly had forgot

My mother figure in my life,
aged just as well
Her bones became brittle,
her face began to swell

She fell onto the cement,
and broke her left hip, and her arm
So they moved her into a nursing home,
far from all of the harm.

Therefore my life had already changed,
I moved in with my mother
I looked at her for advice,
as well as my older brother

The house wasn’t my home,
I felt jaded and out of place
This wasn’t a walkway, that I desired,
when I had my dreams to chase.

Each day I’d visit my grandmother,
who was becoming worse each day
I’d sit by her side, sing amazing grace,
and then together we would pray

That boyfriend, I spoke of beforehand,
left my life also
With no explanation, just a simple goodbye,
that he merely just had to go

I started to miss more school,
until my grades had turned around
Instead of my normal excel grades,
“F’s” were all I found

The father figure who I once loved so much
soon found another path
With his new wife, his new stepdaughter,
he fought to even look back.

So one night I sat at my new home,
tears scarring my face
I stared into the mirror, and I
glared with complete disgrace

I reached down toward mothers cigarettes,
and began taking a hit
The sensational feeling I first felt, harmless,
I’d never be an addict.

Yet at that moment in time,
I had no other cure
Before I would know it,
I’d have to quickly mature

That was only the beginning, of the
problems I started to confront
So many answers were hid inside of the world,
and I had no time to hunt

I went to visit my grandmother,
holding back the tears
Her memory was nearly gone, 
I began to face my biggest fear.

So I left the room without a word,
and walked down the hall
The soul whom once gave me confidence,
started making me feel so small

I reached for a lighter,
holding in my other hand a joint
I knew there came a certain line,
yet I had to make a point

So I started smoking weed,
I knew the outcome, I’d surely be alright
Then pills, and stronger drugs in the end,
were placed under my sight.

I started out life not knowing my brother,
and yet he became my best friend
He gave me a different perspective,
on things I’d normally wouldn’t understand

Yet, there I stood almost alone,
with my brother near holding my hand
I prayed to God each and every night,
yet he just didn’t understand.

Two months had passed and it was time,
I stood there, drowned in tears
She promised she’d be there, by my side,
throughout my toughest years

Yet only that was I contained,
I whispered a soft goodbye
As the preacher prayed, I sang amazing grace,
and my sweet grandmother quietly died

The drugs that once were just a point,
became a healing statue so soon
I became addicted and out of control,
my life slowly in doom.

I had only one way of escaping,
and leaving it all behind
Moving out of state, with hope
that the answers I may find

I was tired of being mistaken,
of the worthless girl, always ignored
I wanted to smile again, brightly, and
I wanted heaven to again open the doors.

So I kissed my dearest mother,
and hugged my brother goodbye
I loaded up grandma‘s Honda,
and all the way I cried.

However I sit here sober,
and my eyes are once again clear
To feel the wind, blowing my hair,
to at last not weep a tear

I miss my family more then words,
and its still unbearable inside
Yet this is something I had to do, .
nd it’ll better in time

I know my grandmother would be proud of me,
and I believe she’s smiling down
I sleep well at night, awaken pleased,
after the answers were finally found

With this being said, I have one more thing
to conclude the story of my life
When your feeling dejected, or out of place,
don’t give up, you could win the fight.